God's Angel (Part Seven)

Part Seven

I guess I will sum this story up by saying that God is still good. He understands better than anyone. He is still God and He is still in control. And He is still working. I don’t think He’s done with this story. I found this verse recently and I actually posted it as a status on facebook.

>>>Habakkuk 1:5

"Look among the nations, and see;

wonder and be astounded.

For I am doing a work in your days

that you would not believe if told.”

I don’t think God is done with this story yet. I don’t know what He’s going to do or what He is doing. I know He’s doing so much in my heart. I hope He can use this for His glory in someone else’s life.

I went to visit Appalachian Bible College recently and heard this song. It brought back everything. The memories flooded and I was overwhelmed. Blessed be the Lord.

“Blessed be the Name of the Lord” by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

I’d like to say that I am thankful for God’s mercy and patience, because He has got to be sick of hearing about my problems by now. I’m sure there have been many times God has slapped His forehead when I talk to Him because I am being so stubborn or so dense. (Haha, if God slaps His forehead) But I thank Him for His mercy that is in the heavens and His faithfulness that reaches the clouds (Psalm 36:5). I am so thankful for Psalm 103:11-12 –“ ¹¹ For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; ¹² As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.” I’m just gonna say that if I were God, I’d be sick to death of me. I’d have given up on me.

To conclude, I’m going to post a passage from Lamentations that has been a major help to me. It has been a source of strength and an amazing encouragement. To God be all the glory.

>>>Lamentations 3:1-41

“ ¹ I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of His wrath.
² He has led me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
³ Surely He has turned His hand against me
Time and time again throughout the day.
⁴ He has aged my flesh and my skin,
And broken my bones.
⁵ He has besieged me
And surrounded me with bitterness and woe.
⁶ He has set me in dark places
Like the dead of long ago.
⁷ He has hedged me in so that I cannot get out;
He has made my chain heavy.
⁸ Even when I cry and shout,
He shuts out my prayer.
⁹ He has blocked my ways with hewn stone;
He has made my paths crooked.
¹⁰ He has been to me a bear lying in wait,
Like a lion in ambush.
¹¹ He has turned aside my ways and torn me in pieces;
He has made me desolate.
¹² He has bent His bow
And set me up as a target for the arrow.
¹³ He has caused the arrows of His quiver
To pierce my loins.
¹⁴ I have become the ridicule of all my people—
Their taunting song all the day.
¹⁵ He has filled me with bitterness,
He has made me drink wormwood.
¹⁶ He has also broken my teeth with gravel,
And covered me with ashes.
¹⁷ You have moved my soul far from peace;
I have forgotten prosperity.
¹⁸ And I said, “My strength and my hope
Have perished from the LORD.”
¹⁹ Remember my affliction and roaming,
The wormwood and the gall.
²⁰ My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
²¹ This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
²² Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴ “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,

“ Therefore I hope in Him!”
²⁵ The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
²⁶ It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the LORD.
²⁷ It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.
²⁸ Let him sit alone and keep silent,
Because God has laid it on him;
²⁹ Let him put his mouth in the dust—
There may yet be hope.
³⁰ Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,
And be full of reproach.
³¹ For the Lord will not cast off forever.
³² Though He causes grief,
Yet He will show compassion
According to the multitude of His mercies.
³³ For He does not afflict willingly,
Nor grieve the children of men.
³⁴ To crush under one’s feet
All the prisoners of the earth,
³⁵ To turn aside the justice due a man
Before the face of the Most High,
³⁶ Or subvert a man in his cause—
The Lord does not approve.
³⁷ Who is he who speaks and it comes to pass,
When the Lord has not commanded it?
³⁸ Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That woe and well-being proceed?
³⁹ Why should a living man complain,
A man for the punishment of his sins?
⁴⁰ Let us search out and examine our ways,
And turn back to the LORD;
⁴¹ Let us lift our hearts and hands
To God in heaven.”

Written by Kristen Langner

Completed on May 14^th, Thursday, 2010

Verses

Habakkuk 2:3-4

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith."


Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills."

God's Angel (Part Six)

Part Six

This is not going to be a fantastic ending, because I still don’t have any answers. But I’m going to end with some verses and quotes that will I think will give you hope. First, one of my favorite passages.

>>>Psalm 62:5-8

“⁵ My soul, wait silently for God alone,

For my expectation is from Him.

⁶ He only is my rock and my salvation;

He is my defense;

I shall not be moved.

⁷ In God is my salvation and my glory;

The rock of my strength,

And my refuge, is in God.

⁸ Trust in Him at all times, you people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us. Selah”

I love this passage because it reminds me to talk to God, and to not be afraid to tell Him the little things that are bothering me that no one else cares about. Next are a few passages about hope.

>>>Romans 8:24-25

“²⁴ For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.”

>>>Romans 5:1-5

“¹ Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³ And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

>>>Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

>>>Psalm 33:11

“The counsel of the LORD stands forever,

The plans of His heart to all generations.”

>>>Psalm 33:17-18

¹⁷ “A horse is a vain hope for safety;
Neither shall it deliver any by its great strength.
¹⁸ Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,
On those who hope in His mercy,”

>>>Romans 12:12

“…rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;”

>>>Psalm 119:50

“This is my comfort in my affliction,

For Your word has given me life.”

>>>Psalm 42:5

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.”

>>>Psalm 71:14

“But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.”

>>>Job 11:18

“And thou shalt be secure, because there is hope; yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety.”

>>>Hebrews 6:19

“Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil;”

>>>Ecclesiastes 9:4a

“For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope…”

>>>Hebrews 10:23

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”

>>>Psalm 71:5

“For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;

You are my trust from my youth.”

Reading the above verses, the first thing I think I need to realize is that true hope is from God. God gives me hope. I am void of true hope-hopeless-without Him. I also think I need to realize that true hope is in God. You know something cool? When you place your hope in God, you’ll never be disappointed. I’m not saying that if you ask God for something you want, that He’s going to necessarily give it to you (You’d better re-read this whole story if you think that). But we have a “hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast,” (Hebrews 6:19). This hope that is spoken of is the hope of our Salvation. We are secure in God’s Salvation. We’ll never lose it.

Here are a couple of passages that I would like to share about comfort.

>>>Isaiah 51:3

“For the LORD will comfort Zion,

He will comfort all her waste places;

He will make her wilderness like Eden,

And her desert like the garden of the LORD;

Joy and gladness will be found in it,

Thanksgiving and the voice of melody.”

>>>2 Corinthians 1:3-10

“³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. ⁶If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. ⁷Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. ⁸For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again.”

>>>2 Kings 20:5

“Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee: on the third day thou shalt go up unto the house of the LORD.”

>>>Psalm 119:71

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”

>>>Isaiah 40:11

“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”

>>>Isaiah 46:4

“And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.”

Matthew 11:28-29

“ ²⁸Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

Maybe this story isn’t meant to be about understanding. Maybe it’s not about knowing why. Maybe I really will never know why God brought this into my life. Maybe this is something that God can use in someone else’ s life. This is what I’d like to be able to say-

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” (Psalm 119:71)

God's Angel (Part Five)

Part Five

It took me a while to get past those questions. I don’t think that God ever wants people to be hurt. I don’t think He ever wants us to go through pain. Which lead me to ask why He would allow it to happen. He has the power to stop the pain. Why would He let it happen if He loves me so much? He knew how much I loved Angel. He knew how much I wanted her. He knew how I would feel. He knew how I would react. He knew how often I had prayed about her. How could He allow something like that to happen to me if He loves me so much?

But something I’m learning: God’s love is not dependent on other Christians. God’s love is not dependent on what happens in my life. God’s love is dependent on one thing and one thing only. Jesus Christ’s love was completed and proven upon the cross of Jesus Christ 2000 years ago. “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

I guess my biggest question to God is this: “Why did You bring it up in the first place?” He knew how much I loved her. He knew how I would react and how I would feel. My only thought is that He wanted to use it in my life to make me more like Him. My greatest desire is to be like Him. But couldn’t He have used something else to make me more like Him? He could have just left Angel well enough alone. But then again, Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” I know I love God. And I really want to believe that this will turn out for good. But some days, I just want to scream at God. I want to know why. Some days I just want to quit on God. He just won’t tell me why. Perhaps there are only answers to that question in Heaven.

When it comes right down to it, I know I couldn’t quit on God. I couldn’t live without Him. He’s been my comfort through it all. He has always been there. He knows. He understands, even though no one else I know does. It’s amazing how much it means when someone actually truly understands what you’re going through. Especially when there literally is no one else.

I haven’t cried outwardly for a while. But sometimes I cry inside. I think He understands the silent tears.

I try not to talk about it anymore, because there is nothing more to say. I don’t have it all straight. I don’t know what God has for me in this. I don’t understand the purpose in this situation, but I know that God has a reason for it. I hope that God can use my story in someone else’s life, because I know I am not the only one to suffer disappointments.

It has been four months since that day I found out I wasn’t going to get her. I should be over it by now. It shouldn’t bother me anymore. Especially considering I never believed it would happen in the first place. On beautiful days, it is very hard for me to not think about it, because it would have been a perfect day to ride. If nothing had changed, I would have her by now.

But I guess that wasn’t God’s will for my life.

I just found out that Angel has moved away from the farm where I met her. The farm where most of this story occurred. Her owner moved her closer to her house so that she could see her more often. Angel is finally back with her owner. It is a bittersweet feeling for me. I think that God has answered that prayer that I prayed two years ago. But I will never see her again. I never got to say goodbye.

The other thing for me was the fact that I have been struggling with wanting to hope. I don’t know how to hope for the future anymore. I don’t know how to hope that I will ever have a horse. I really felt like God had given me hope and then torn it away again. I was holding on to Psalm 37:4 –“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” I really thought that God was going to give me Angel. But I think I was expecting God to give me Angel because I was delighting in Him. But that’s not what the verse says. It says to “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” God is God. He doesn’t have to do anything for me. I haven’t done God any favors by delighting myself in Him, and even if I had, He still wouldn’t owe me anything.

But one of my sisters said something to me recently. She said that I shouldn’t say that God gave me hope when I was going to get Angel. Maybe she’s right. I always had hope. I still do. I have the biggest God ever. Jeremiah 14:22 (ESV) says, “Are there any among the false gods of the nations that can bring rain? Or can the heavens give showers? Are you not he, O LORD our God? We set our hope on you, for you do all these things.”

Another sister told me that God doesn’t want things like that to happen to me. She said that God is just as hurt over the situation as I am. She thinks that God is weeping with me.