Aunt x 5

So...I am an aunt again...

That's really cool. =)

On growing up.

Well, today I have not been doing that great. I have been thinking of Christmas and everything that isn't going to happen. Everything is going messed up. There is no money.

I don't want anything.

Everyone was right.

My horse under the Christmas tree was a child's dream. It was very silly. Someday I will learn not to hope for silly things.



It's not that I want anything for Christmas. It's that I don't have money to give anyone anything. I don't have money to get any of my friends gifts. I don't even have money for my family's presents. I have no idea if we'll have money for cookies. I have heard that we may not even be doing stockings this year. Half of the family isn't going to be here. Why does growing up have to happen? Why can't things just stay the same? Why can't life be easier?


I hate growing up.


Christmas is never going to be the same again. ='(

Update.

Here we are in our new house finally. I'm a little (okay, a LOT) frustrated that we don't have closet shelves yet. So my room has lots of boxes still. Well, this is here. We are getting ready to start school and that's going interesting. I'm going to my riding teacher's place to visit in about a week, I think. I can't wait to do that, because I miss everyone so much! My brother-in-law and sister and neice came to visit over the weekend and then my brother-in-law went back to work this week. He left my sister and niece here.

Today, I took my niece on a walk in the woods with our dogs. On the way out, it started to look dark the direction facing the house. Rain was on the way. We saw a black snake in the grass that still hasn't been mowed and made our way up to get the dogs a drink and put them in the garage (their temporary sleeping area) to eat. Then we went up on the covered front porch and watched our first storm roll in. It was a lot of fun and we saw part of a rainbow before the storm. After it rained, the sun came out the rest of the way and we saw the full rainbow! I decided not to pull out my camera, but it was spectacular. So pretty. Every time I see the rainbow, I remember why it's there. It is absolutely amazing to think that I am looking at what God is looking at( Genesis 9:16). It's so cool and it reminds me that God never breaks His promises. It makes me smile. =)

We have a lot of work to do still. We need to mow and get fencing up. Actually, for my horse, the brush needs to be tilled up and re-seeded. I don't know if I'll be getting a horse this fall or not, but we'll have to see.

Ah the joys of life...

Well. Moving has been set back another week. Oh, well. We were at the house site today and I love the almost wrap around porches. They make me want to have a swing or chair out there. I thought of summer nights watching my imaginary (hopefully not for long) horse. I thought of cold winter nights with hot cider or hot chocolate and a blanket looking up at the stars. I thought of late night talks with people I love. I thought of dancing. I thought of God. I thought of dreams that I have (having a horse for instance). I thought of hope and Christmases there. I thought of the possibility of babysitting again. I thought of making friends and sharing these times with them. As I looked off the porch at the mountains (over the construction site, of course), I tried to imagine what the property is hopefully going to look like instead of the brush and briars it is right now. I imagined the orchard and the garden, the animals (especially the horse! haha), the front yard, etc.

It's just so fun to dream once in a while. Having friends over and riding horses. Babysitting, cooking with our own fruits and vegetables, gardening, mowing (yes, I actually enjoy mowing when it's a riding mower), swimming (if we ever get a swimming pool), walks in the woods, choosing a Christmas tree from our own property again, having Christmases there, watching huge thunderstorms roll in (it's a family pastime) and seeing the full rainbow afterwards (wide open skies are awesome), watching the snow fall and seeing the place all in white (prayfully Christmas eve?), spending time on the porch reading my Bible and watching meteor showers (if there are any), looking out over the gorgeous autumn colors, okay, you get the picture. It sounds like so much fun. But does anyone ever wonder if it will really happen?


Reading my Bible and praying anywhere out there is so peaceful. I spent my first prayer time in my bedroom (not finished yet) on my knees today. There's also something about the wide open spaces that makes me want to dance. I have no idea why. But when I see all this, I have to wonder how people could think the world was evolved. The beautiful mountains, the open skies. The animals. The horse alone is so beautiful. I have no idea how people can actually think it evolved. Every movement is breathtaking. The soft, expressive eyes are so beautiful. Every curve is so precise. Every muscle put to the exact place. Their ears are curved just perfectly. Their noses are soft and velvety. Their colors are gorgeous. The hooves are hard and resilient. They can start galloping from a standstill. Some can turn on a dime. Dressage horses can make the most complicated thing look so easy and beautiful. Hunters make jumping look like flying without wings (but it sure is easy to imagine them, isn't it?). When a horse spooks, they really can run! When horses canter, it looks like a rocking horse in motion. I don't know if this is true with everyone (probably not), but it just captures my attention and refuses to let go. I don't want to look at anything else or listen to someone who is talking. It's like I'm in a dream or a fairy tale when I watch a horse canter. Okay, probably it's just me. But whatever. Anyway, I just can't see how someone can think that they came about by these random processes. They're just so gorgeous and beautiful. I can't get over them. How could they have evolved?

Anyway, that was an entirely different tangent than what I was going for. It was just really nice to dream today. I hope this all works out for the best someday.

A few pictures.

I regret that I cannot add all 200 pictures from my visit to SC and NC, so I'm sorry, but I really don't feel like sitting here for hours while it uploads. But here are a few...

These are from The Wilds in Brevard, NC.

(And yes, there are a TON of stairs!)

And I'm going to see my baby tomorrow!!!

=D

Overwhelmed

My "extended family" has lost their father/grandfather recently. Please be in prayer for them. They are some of our oldest and dearest friends.


So much stuff going on lately. I am getting older. It's really different being older. So strange. So hard. I wish I could change so many things. Getting older DEFINITELY is NOT something I'm enjoying. I hate growing up. Ugh. *sigh*

A little note...

I am going to be an aunt x4 in December. Well...actually, I am now, but anyway. I'm excited.


Here is a link to a beautiful picture my sister made of it. Just thought I'd post it. Thought it was pretty.

I'm in love with a 120 lb 30in Anatolian Shepherd

Okay. Maybe not those measurements exactly. I'm in love with this dog. I really, really want to help him, but we're not in a good place to do that, and I can't take any more dogs. Not to mention, my Mom would have a cow because of his huge size. He is apparently starving himself because he is so depressed. His owner left him on the side of the road because he didn't get along with her cat, I guess. I really, really, really wish I could bring him home with me. =(

Wow.

Ya know, I complain a lot. About the number of readers (ahem, commenters) on my blog, my schoolwork, my family, my friends, my lack of permit/license, things I have, things I don't...the list goes on.

I am just thinking about how blessed I really am. To have all of the readers I do. To be able to do schoolwork. To have a family. To have even the one or two friends that I do...I just can't seem to get it right. I'm always complaining, but in reality, I'm a lot more blessed that I think I am. There are so many people out there that don't have money for food, don't have families, don't have the "necessities" of life. Many of them don't even have God. How can I miss so much? How can I miss the "little things"? The little "blessings in disguise"?



All I have to say is wow.

I truly am blessed.

Thanks, God for everything. Thanks for sending your Son to die for me. Thanks so much God for blessing me with family, friends, and everything. Thanks for horses. Thanks for letting me ride as much as I do. Thanks for all the "little things". Thanks for who You are. You are so good to me.


(I apologize for the "preachy-ness" of this post)


(Okay, you know what? Forget that last sentence in parentheses. I don't apologize)

Psalm 121

¹ I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
⁸ The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

About a day....

Well, today has been different. We went to visit some friends today to see how they were doing and get together. We've known them since before I was born. So we went over there to visit. Well, spur of the moment, we decided to go ice skating.

Okay, well, I've wanted to go ice skating my entire life. I have never had a chance before. Actually, Last Friday we were going to go with our church. I had been looking forward to it for the entire month of January. But we found out that they had changed their times, so that didn't end up working out. So today, when it was suggested, I was very excited.

So we went ice skating.

My brother came and well, these "old friends" are pretty much family. So I had two brothers telling me how to skate, not to mention the "chicken" and "slowpoke" stuff inbetween. =P

While I was skating, since it was my first time, I was having a pretty hard time with my balance. As I watched other people skating so well, and even the couple of old friends skating together. I thought perhaps that's what it's like trusting God and following Him. I couldn't imagine holding on to someone while I was skating. I would have felt even more unstable. So I felt like doing it alone was better. But at the same time, without God, we're all over the ice. Just a thought.

Very uninspired

I've been feeling very uninspired for the last few weeks as to what to write here. So I'll just write that I'm excited to be seeing my sis this week and I hope to go riding on Friday this week! Hopefully this will be an awesome week. =)

Wishing Grandma were here

I have been missing Grandma lately. I miss going to her house and walking in the woods. I miss swimming and eating her cookies. I miss baking bread at her house. I miss listening to just the sound of her voice. I miss the dings of her clocks when we were visiting. I miss her garden and her canning cellar. I miss her swing. I miss Thanksgiving dinners. I miss her coming for Christmas. I miss her teaching me about birds and gardening. I just plain miss her.

I wish she were here. There are so many questions that I have wanted to ask her. So many wonders I've had about her. So many things she could have taught me. I miss the things that she didn't have time to teach me. Like more about gardening and what her younger years were like. More about baking and bread and recipes. More about herself. I think of things I want to ask her all the time. And then I realize that she's not here to ask.


I wish she were still here.

New Template

This is a new template again. Kelly, my wonderful oldest sis did it for me. Thanks lots!

She does a much better job than I could ever do, right? =D

I love it.

Note to the wise(or not)

Please note: My blog comment forms are not for arguing. =P

Blog Template changes

I like my Christmas template.

One sister thinks I should keep my Christmas template.

Two of my sisters think I should change my template.


I can't win.

*sigh*

What do you think?



And, don't you dare tell me to change it without giving me an idea for theme or something.

At the risk of regretting it in the morning...

I'm going to write about my life again. This is supposed to be a profound post. =P

Today has been horrible, as I mentioned earlier. I can't go riding on Friday...I'm trying to plan a surprise birthday party for my Mom, but nothing is really working...I didn't feel like doing school...I need to make a decision about college sometime...I gotta send out Christmas gifts...I gotta send out Christmas letters...I gotta make cookies...I gotta exercise..I gotta keep secrets...I gotta not be disappointed if I don't get anything for Christmas...I gotta be helpful...I gotta be friendly...I gotta be a good example...I gotta serve others...I gotta finish shopping...I gotta talk to so-and-so...I gotta finish this...I gotta finish that...(you get the picture)...


So I think it's all to much. I think my brain is overloading and rejecting all the things that I need to do. I might mention that I haven't been able to get up early enough to do my Bible time. I've been trying to pray throughout the day as the need comes or before I go to sleep or before I start the day. But I think I'm crazy busy. Not literally. Just in my brain. Between Christmas and friends and horses and dogs and housing and presents and family and sleep and promises and secrets and all the info that's overloading my brain, I've had too much.

I need to slow down and take some time with God. I need to pray. But even through my mind's busyness, I can hear His quiet whispers. He's been reminding me of His unchanging, unfailing love and how life is never hopeless with Him.

On Sunday, the message was absolutely wonderful. It seemed like it was pointed right at me. It seemed like it pointed to all my problems and showed me the answers. The message was from Psalm 107.

Psalm 107
1 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy,
3 And gathered out of the lands,
From the east and from the west,
From the north and from the south.

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way;
They found no city to dwell in.
5 Hungry and thirsty,
Their soul fainted in them.
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.
7 And He led them forth by the right way,
That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.
8 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
9 For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.

10 Those who sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
Bound in affliction and irons—
11 Because they rebelled against the words of God,
And despised the counsel of the Most High,
12 Therefore He brought down their heart with labor;
They fell down, and there was none to help.
13 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
And broke their chains in pieces.
15 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
16 For He has broken the gates of bronze,
And cut the bars of iron in two.

17 Fools, because of their transgression,
And because of their iniquities, were afflicted.
18 Their soul abhorred all manner of food,
And they drew near to the gates of death.
19 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions.
21 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
22 Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
And declare His works with rejoicing.

23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
24 They see the works of the LORD,
And His wonders in the deep.
25 For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
26 They mount up to the heavens,
They go down again to the depths;
Their soul melts because of trouble.
27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
29 He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
30 Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
31 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
32 Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
And praise Him in the company of the elders.

33 He turns rivers into a wilderness,
And the watersprings into dry ground;
34 A fruitful land into barrenness,
For the wickedness of those who dwell in it.
35 He turns a wilderness into pools of water,
And dry land into watersprings.
36 There He makes the hungry dwell,
That they may establish a city for a dwelling place,
37 And sow fields and plant vineyards,
That they may yield a fruitful harvest.
38 He also blesses them, and they multiply greatly;
And He does not let their cattle decrease.

39 When they are diminished and brought low
Through oppression, affliction, and sorrow,
40 He pours contempt on princes,
And causes them to wander in the wilderness where there is no way;
41 Yet He sets the poor on high, far from affliction,
And makes their families like a flock.
42 The righteous see it and rejoice,
And all iniquity stops its mouth.

43 Whoever is wise will observe these things,
And they will understand the lovingkindness of the LORD.




Notice how the phrase "Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses" is repeated several times. I was reminded of how I need to look to the Lord when I need help and not so much to anyone or anything else. I was reminded that God loves me and that He's there, even when I don't make time to spend with Him. The pastor also told several stories about songwriters lives and how they came to God and why they wrote the songs they wrote. This one song in particular really got my attention because the writer wrote this at a time when his wife left him because she couldn't stand being an evangelist's wife any more. It's not the same, but it still hurts a lot when friends just don't talk to you anymore. Or even tell you why. And lately, I've been feeling a little upset that I pray for people who don't even notice my existence. I guess I've just been wondering why I even care when they don't even know I exist. Or they try to pretend I don't and ignore me. But I keep praying for them anyway. Because it's the right thing to do, I guess. Or maybe it's because I honestly do care for these people, even though the don't care about me. So God used this song to remind me that even though no one else may care, Jesus still cares.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
Written by Charles Frederick Weigle

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true;
I would tell you how He changed my life completely,
He did something that no other friend could do.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe;
Jesus placed His strong and loving arms around me,
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance,
More and more I understand His words of love;
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till some day I see His blessed face above.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

You can check out the full story about Charles Weigle(or look further on google or something) here.

But anyway, God just spoke to me through this song and message. It was such a wonderful feeling. And I didn't really want to go to church that morning. But He knew I needed to be there. I can't express how much I needed to hear this. I was so glad that God can still speak through even little things. I haven't really wanted to go to church for the past six months or so because we haven't had a church that was doing me any good. I haven't heard a good message since probably 2007 when I was at The Wilds. So I've just tried to do what's right and go anyway. Not because I really wanted to, but because Mom and Dad were going and they thought it was the right thing to do. But I think can honestly say that for probably the first time in six months, I am at least looking forward a little to this Sunday. I can't really begin to write what God is doing in my heart. I have so many things that I have been struggling with and so many things that I have had so much trouble with.

Wait, trust, and hope are the three main things that I've had trouble really doing. In my heart, I want to. But to be honest, I think fear has something to do with it. Fear that my dreams will never be realized. Fear that God will not provide. Fear that God wants something for my life that I will hate. Fear that I will never have a horse. Oh, I know in my heart that these things are not true. But I just struggle with the whole concept of me wanting what God wants for my life. Maybe that's it. And maybe I'm just incoherent, like my sister said she was. It is midnight, after all. I have an excuse. =D But anyway, I hope someone actually reads this and will maybe comment on it.

Random, fun things

Walking through target...

"Turn left, NOW!"~Sister
Starts to turn left on purpose...right into an aisle...
"Yes, turn, NOW!" ~Woman in the store


Waiting in line at the Barnes and Noble Cafe...

Older man waiting in line smiles patiently.


A few mins. later...still waiting in line.

"Do you go to Liberty?" ~Older man
"No, I'm homeschooled."
Man nods.

A few mins. later...completing order...

"Can I give you a phone number for the membership card?"
"Yes." ~Woman taking order
"525-"
"434, right? Area code?" ~Woman
"Yes, ma'am, 525-1799."
Woman types numbers into cash register.
"Your card is expired, would you like to renew it today?" ~Woman
"No thank you(this is my Mom's card, by the way[I didn't say that])." Continuing to pull money out of wallet.
"She can use mine." ~Older man standing behind says, rather quickly.
Proceeds to give the woman his phone number.
"Thank you."


Seeing a beautiful, simple, yet elegant wedding dress(and pretty modest, I might add) at Good will for $75.




Later...back in the car with brother and sis...

Singing Irish tenors songs together with brother trying to sing soprano.


These are fun things I did today. It definitely put me in a good mood. It's so fun to spend time with your family and just goof off. Not to mention seeing other people's reactions to your somewhat immature behavior in stores. I had a pretty good day today.

Internet down...

Well, my internet is down(hopefully temporarily), so I won't be able to do much for a while. I don't know when it will be fixed, but for now, I'm using my Dad's computer. I also STINK at Algebra. I can't get it for anything. Umm...cleaning today. My Mom organized the kitchen and I need to clean up my stuff, too. I did have a blast on Friday riding, but I'm afraid I only got two pics(which are actually really good), and I can't put them up until my computer is working again. I met someone I've talked to for a couple of years on Saturday. I've been emailing and talking to her on AIM. I met her at Liberty(she was visiting). That was pretty fun.

Then I went out and got an awesome PUMPKIN SPICE FRAPPUCCINO!


That was sooooooooooooo good!

Nothing else is really going on except school.

Yesterday

Yesterday was October 9th. Three years ago, my oldest sister got married. I became a sister-in-law. It's hard to believe that it's been that long. I'm fifteen. I was twelve. Wow. Here is a picture that the wedding photographer took. That was NOT supposed to be taken, but what can I say? These photographers just can't help themselves. It's a good picture, anyway. And yes, I am a bit taller, now.