Fall is coming soon

Already. Okay, I'm not complaining, I just am not ready to start school yet. And I only have a week of summer vacation left. =( *sigh* I have no idea how school is going to get done with a horse, though. It will be interesting.

Angel is doing great. She has been absolutely wonderful so far. I am hopefully helping her stifle injury as I ride her every other day. She seems to be doing the same, so far, though. We'll have to see. =\

I think we found a church where we live and I really like it. The people are so nice and no one cares what you wear or look like. They care about God they care about whether you know Him or not. It's really refreshing to be in a church like that. =)

Well, fall IS my favorite season, so I guess I can't complain too much. I love the leaves in the fall, and I love the temperatures. I also love the fact that the weather is perfect for making homemade bread. It's too hot in the summer to make bread. Oh, and the temperatures get down just low enough in the mornings and evenings to make hot cider or hot chocolate or something like that. And this fall, I have a horse that I can spend time with...fall is the best season for riding, too. The weather is not too hot and not too cold, and the horses are in really good moods. =)

I can't believe this is my senior year in high school. That's a little freaky. I have college plans, though. I'm just not all that excited about leaving my horse...trying not to think about that right now...
After fall of course, comes Christmas, so here's another countdown. =D

139 days, 7 hours, and 2 minutes until Christmas Eve...

God's Angel (Part Eleven)

Part Eleven

Okay, so this time, I am not saying that this is the last part I’m writing. I should have learned my lesson before. God wants me to write another part. I have had a couple of people tell me it doesn’t seem like an ending. I was asking God about whether I should or not, and He said that He wanted me to tell everyone that He has done more than what I ever hoped for.

The month of June and the first two weeks of July were very discouraging. Seriously. I don’t know how else to put it. I tried counting the days until Angel came home, but it was almost more discouraging than if she wasn’t coming at all. I think we must have changed the date four times, and I had to change the number of days higher again every time. I think God must really want me to learn patience. I was so frustrated, and it was getting harder every day. But God was there, every moment. Putting up fencing was hard work. We had a tractor with an auger to dig the holes for the posts. It kept getting stuck in the dirt and we had to dig it out several times by hand, breaking several shovels in the process. I don’t know an exact number, but we put up at least 150-200 posts. And that was just digging posts. On weekends, when Dad was home, because we couldn’t get any work done during the week. We had wiring to do still, as well as brace posts and electric. Yeah, that took a while. We had to move the goats out of the pasture where Angel was going to be, and then we had to take down the boards separating the run-in-shed we had for her. We also took time to mow the field, lime the field, and put some pasture grass seed down. All of that took all the time we had between May 22nd and July 16th, the final date we chose. It was hard long work. I spent every hour I could doing the fencing and getting things ready. And then of course, the fun part was shopping for all of my horse stuff (my family didn’t think so, haha). I spent some time in the tack shop getting the stuff I needed.
Well, July 15th, the night before Angel came home, I sat out in the pasture beside my hitching post with my Bible and my prayer journal and I talked with God. I read my story again, remembering everything that God had brought to pass and thinking of just how amazing God was in the way that everything had happened. I think I was out there for an hour or so, just talking to God about everything and how it had all come together so perfectly. I thanked Him for everything that He had done, and praised Him for how perfect it all was. I prayed that everything would go smoothly the next day with bringing Angel home and that we would have safety and fun.
July 16th finally arrived. I didn’t really sleep and I was wide awake when I looked at the clock at 5 a.m. I started my day with prayer, thanking God again for everything and asking for safety and asking that I would be aware of His presence and that He would be close. Then I headed out with my Dad to work (he has a two hour drive to get there). It was a very slow drive, of course. We had to pick up a truck to haul the hay in, and so that took some extra time, as the truck rental manager didn’t remember he had agreed to meet us before the hour they opened. We didn’t wait too long, though. We also waited for traffic at an accident site for a few minutes. My Dad made the comment to me that “I sure did pick a great day to bring Angel home.” I laughed a little and then replied , “I didn’t pick it. God did.” I had called my riding teacher and asked if I could hang out with her during the morning while Dad was at work and we got ready to go pick Angel up. I helped feed her horses and she asked me to ride her new Arabian mare that morning. My friend was coming to spend the weekend with me and she met us at my riding teacher’s house that morning. It was too hot to do any heavy riding (although the Arabian I was riding didn’t seem to think so) and so we went on a trail ride in the woods. When we finished up, we sponged the horses off and let them back out in the pastures. Then we went inside and had some lunch and got ready to go get Angel. We hitched up the trailer and then we were on our way.
It was about three o’ clock when we got there. We discovered that the trailer had a flat tire when we got there and so Dad and my riding teacher’s husband and Angel’s owner (Mr.) put air in the tire and plugged it. I got all of the little stuff figured out and got everything together. Angel’s owner (Mr.) spoke to me and said that he had read my story and we talked for a few minutes about how good God is. He also told me that when they were looking for a horse, they didn’t really pick Angel. Apparently, she picked them. We settled up financially and then I went to get Angel and load her. She walked right on the trailer and we hooked her in. Then we closed the door.
When everyone was standing around talking for a minute, Angel’s owner (Mr.) touched my shoulder and asked me if he could pray over me and Angel before we left. Of course I said yes. He thanked God for all that He had brought to pass, and then he asked God to bless me and Angel with this new time in our lives. I think that was my favorite part of the day. We told them that they were welcome to come and visit her anytime they could. Then we all loaded up into the truck and started back to my house. It was a bittersweet moment for me, because I was so excited that my horse was finally coming home. But I knew that her owners were struggling with letting her go, too. I understood. I had already lost an Angel. Perhaps that was another reason that God had allowed me to lose Angel: so that I could better understand the owners’ loss when I got my horse.
It was about two hours before we got home. When we pulled up to our house (I hesitate to say “driveway” because of its length, lol), we parked and then I asked if we could pray before we even brought Angel off the trailer. My riding teacher’s husband prayed and then I prayed. I thanked God again and asked Him to allow me to use Angel for His glory, because she really is His horse. Then we got out and got Angel off the trailer. I led her around to her pasture and through the gate and then let her off the lead rope. She walked right in without any reservation as if she had been there a thousand times. She was alert, but not at all nervous, as most horses would have been. We watched her for a few minutes and then I showed my riding teacher the place where I was planning to ride and we gave her a tour of our house.
After an hour or so, when Angel was still totally relaxed, we said goodbye to my riding teacher and her husband. They wanted to go into town and get dinner and stay for the music (we live close to a tourist site). We ate dinner and my friend and I went back out to the shed to hang out and clean tack. I stayed up all night with Angel, talking to her about life and God while she grazed. My friend stayed up most of the night, but ended up crashing because of an allergy headache. We rode Angel for a little while the next morning, just walking her because she wasn’t used to the trail. We also gave her a bath later that afternoon, which she seemed to enjoy. I asked my sister to take some pictures for me so I could put them up for people to see. Check out this website if you want to see a few: http://acceptedjustasiam.blogspot.com/2010/07/some-favs.html
I can honestly say that I cannot think of another thing that I would have wanted for that day. I’ve had her for about two weeks now, and I am loving spending time with her. Of course, I am trying to get her in shape because she hasn’t been ridden in a while, and her stifle injury is a challenge to deal with. But so far, she has been just perfect. She hasn’t been any trouble (except when I am in a hurry and have to go somewhere, of course, lol), and she’s very friendly. Her ground manners are so good. She is very gentle and she hasn’t spooked at anything blindly. She is very level-headed and seems to know that there aren’t too many things around that are scary. She really is the perfect first horse. I can’t think of another thing I could ask. It’s all been so perfect. God knew exactly what I needed. I am still so amazed at what God has done with this whole story. It was like Christmas in July.

Angel is finally home.

I don’t know how to describe this journey. It’s been long and I don’t think it’s over. But I know that God has been faithful in every single part of this journey. If you want Him in your life, you will never regret it. He will always be there and He always cares, even when you sometimes believe that He doesn’t. I would beg you not to give in to fear and doubts that God doesn’t care. As I already stated in this story at least once, God’s love is not dependent on your circumstances. It is dependent only upon the finished work of the cross. And that does not change. It is ever constant and always available. If you are struggling with things in your life, I would beg you to turn them over to God. If you don’t think that He can do anything with it, then check out Romans 8:28-“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” And believe me, no matter what you’re facing in your life, whether it be disappointments, failures, grief, or something else, God can take care of it. He will be there for you to hold on to, and He will be faithful to love you. God is always faithful. God is always trustworthy. It’s never easy to let God take care of things. Trusting God with your life is close to impossible when you don’t spend time with Him. So I urge you to get to know Him. Talk to God, read His Word and learn why He is trustworthy and just how faithful He is. You will never regret giving your life to God.

Psalm 37:4-“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

If you have any questions about my story or want to talk with me, I would love to hear from you! If you want to know how you can know God as your personal Savior and Lord, I can show through Scripture how you can do that, as well. My email address is hoofprintsofhope@gmail.com

Please don’t hesitate to write me!

Kristen Langner

God's Angel (Part Eight)

Part Eight

Well, I thought this story was over. I thought it was finished. I had not planned on writing another part. My story was over and I was done sharing. But I forgot something: this is God’s story, not mine. And He’s not done yet.

So, here I am continuing to share what I’ve been going through. Never mind the fact that I never share this kind of stuff, especially when I’m in the middle of it. But as I said: this is God’s story. And I’m not sharing it for sympathy. I’m sharing it because I want everyone to know how incredibly amazing my God is. I want to tell people what He has done for me, and just how wonderful it is to have a God who loves me even when I am unlovable. I want people to see that God is more than just a way to Heaven. He’s more than a religion. He’s more than just Someone to call on when you’re in trouble. He is more than Someone to glue your life back together when it falls apart.

Well, I’ve been trying to trust God with what He’s been doing. But I’ll be the first to tell you: I’ve been failing miserably. I have lost hope. I have lost perspective. I have been discontent and miserable. I have dwelt on all of the negative things. I have been totally void of joy. What kind of Christian is that? Good grief. I’ve failed pretty miserably. I’m such a pathetic excuse for a Christian. But God hasn’t given up on me. He hasn’t left me behind in the dirt. He’s been there every day, every hour, every moment. At times, I didn’t think He was there. I couldn’t “feel” Him. But I tried to believe that He really was there. And looking back, I know He was. It was those times that He was even closer to me than the times that I could “feel” Him.

I know for a fact that if I were God, I would have given up on me. I would have left me in the dirt. But praise God that I’m not God!

After everything had happened with Angel, I had pretty much given up on having a horse. I couldn’t see myself loving another horse. I wasn’t really looking, because I just couldn’t. I lost hope of ever getting my own horse. But I kept living, trying to fight the depression. I did school. I cleaned the house. I helped Mom with her goats. And I tried not to think about horses. When people would talk about me getting a horse, I would listen, but that was about all. I didn’t believe it would ever happen.

I had just found out that Angel was gone. I was never going to see her again. It was bittersweet, because her owner finally could see her more often and it sounded like Angel had a wonderful new place. But I would never see her again.

On May 17^th, my riding teacher sent me a message telling me that she wanted to read the rest of my story, when was it coming? She told me God was so amazing and that she had a story to tell me on Friday, when I was coming over to see her, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to wait that long to tell me. Well, I was thinking “What in the world is so exciting? Should I be concerned?” I chatted with her on facebook for a few minutes and she told me to pray and that I would have to wait until Friday to hear whatever it was she had to tell me. I emailed her the rest of this story so she could read it without having to wait for it and then waited. Those two days were definitely not fun. I was agonizing over what on earth my riding teacher had to tell me.

On my birthday, she called me to tell me “happy birthday” and I guess she just couldn’t wait anymore, so she told me the story. There were two horses that she had heard about that she was willing to take me to see. The first one she told me about was a 12 year-old pinto mare who was for an intermediate rider. I told my riding teacher that I was interested in that one, and I wanted to go see her. The second one was a 19 year-old black Standardbred mare that didn’t canter. She had called the owner of the Standardbred and set it up so that I could go see her on Friday, because she was convinced that this was a God thing. Honestly, I wasn’t horribly interested, because I love cantering and I had never been interested in Standardbreds.

My riding teacher told me that her name is Angel.

God's Angel (Part Three)

Part Three

Then, on November 30^th, 2009, the phone rang. My stomach had been feeling weird all day. I had no idea why, and there was no reason for it. There was a message on the cell phone. My Mom was acting very strange when she got off the phone from calling back. I was doing dishes and I asked who it was. She didn’t respond and went downstairs to speak with Dad. I can’t remember if Mom came back up and told me to come downstairs or if I just came downstairs. But it doesn’t matter that much either way. I sat down on the keyboard bench that was in my Dad’s office. It must have been five minutes of waiting for them to decide who was going to tell me. I think it was a combination of the two in the end, anyway.

Angel had had a colic incident and her owner had come to see her. Angel was fine. Her owner however, told my riding teacher that she had just moved and was going to be extremely busy for the next year. She wanted to lease Angel to someone for a year, and asked if my riding teacher knew of someone who would be interested. My riding teacher thought of me immediately.

I was going to lease Angel. She was going to be my horse for a year. She was going to live at my house and I was going to see her every day for a year. God answered my prayer more perfectly than I could have imagined. I didn’t quite believe it was really happening. I told a few people about it, but since I wasn’t positive it was happening until she was on my property, I didn’t tell very many people.

We called my riding teacher back to say that “yes,” I wanted to lease her. We got her owner’s phone number and called her. Angel’s owner’s phone was extremely full of messages and it was probably about two weeks before I got a hold of her to confirm it. I asked her my questions and told her that I wanted to lease Angel. She sounded like she was fine with everything, but really emphasized the fact that Angel needed good fencing. She told me to call her if I had any more questions and let her know when we could meet so we could talk about details.

In December, I went to see Angel again to go out and groom her and hang out with her. I sat in the paddock as she ate her hay and I talked to her about my plans. I talked to her about coming to live with me and how much fun it would be. I talked to her about God and how amazing He is. I told her about this amazing cranberry-colored blanket that I was going to get for her.

Christmas was insane here. I was happy, but really too busy to focus on anything. My Christmas Angel was not coming right away, but I was still totally happy. Angel was my favorite Christmas present.

Shortly after Christmas, I was becoming discouraged again because it kept snowing and we couldn’t build a barn or fencing in the snow. I had to wait until spring before I could bring her to my house. That horse that our friend had was sold.

On January 8^th, 2010, I went to see her again. It was freezing that day. I don’t think it made it out of the teens. But I didn’t care. I was so glad to see Angel. I told her that day that I didn’t understand how we were ever going to get a barn or fencing up if God kept sending all the snow. After all, didn’t He know how frustrated I was? I was discouraged and didn’t think that it would really happen. But I tried to tell myself that I had to be patient. I prayed with Angel and told God that I would wait. I told God that if it was His will for us to never be together, then I would accept that.

One of the hardest things to do as a Christian is telling God that you want His will more than you want yours. But if you want to give your life for God, it is a necessity. As I have already mentioned, there is a high price to be paid for following Christ. But I dare say it’s worth it. After all, hasn’t God already paid the highest price for me?

God's Angel (Part Two)

Part Two

Well, I forget exactly how the idea came up, but late that fall, I decided that I really wanted to buy Angel. Her owner never came to see her and I loved her so much. I saw her more than her owner did. She followed me around like a puppy (most horses don’t really do that).

I began to beseech God about her. I prayed about loving her so much. I prayed about wanting to own her. I prayed about her owner. I prayed that God would give Angel to me or have her owner come out more often to see her. I prayed that God would do His will in the situation, and that I would be content. I literally prayed by candlelight.

I asked my parents, and my Mom seemed okay with the idea. My Dad eventually said “no,” because it was just “not practical.” My riding teacher insisted that Angel’s owner would not sell her. She said that Angel’s owner loved Angel too much (In my mind, I don’t understand how you can love something so much and not make time for them, but that’s just me). For some reason I’m not sure of, I decided not to lose hope about Angel. I had prayed about her and I knew God was going to answer my prayer in some way.

Christmas of 2008, I received some really nice new riding boots and a riding helmet. Yeah, those are awesome. I still believed that I was going to get a horse. My riding teacher told me that I wouldn’t be getting stuff for horses if I wasn’t going to get a horse someday.

As the months dragged by, I don’t know how many times I asked my riding teacher to talk to Angel’s owner about selling Angel. I loved Angel so much. We were still living in another rental house at that point, and still didn’t have a place for her. At one point that summer, my riding teacher told me that I really should ride a different horse, because I was “becoming too attached” to Angel, and since her owner would never sell her, I shouldn’t become too attached. Well, I can’t really say that it helped me any, because I loved her just as much as ever, if not more. But Angel’s owner seemed firm that Angel should stay at my riding teacher’s house.

People told me not to be discouraged because God had “the right horse” out there and He would bring it at the right time. And I didn’t have a place to keep a horse at the time. They said that Angel was something that God used to help me know what I wanted in a horse. Okay. Sorry, but they totally didn’t understand. At the time, Angel was the only horse in the world that I wanted.

The summer of 2009, I prayed a lot over her. I told God about how I felt, because no one else understood. I told Him that I loved her and didn’t want another horse. I received a grooming kit for my birthday that year. I argued with myself about using my own grooming kit on Angel, because I wanted to save it for my own horse and knew that Angel was never going to be mine. I finally made the decision that I would just go ahead and use it on her.

We started building our new house late that spring. I was torn about moving. I wanted to have a home, and I hated the rental we lived in. I had nothing left where we were living. But I didn’t want to go because of Angel. I wanted to take her with me. I didn’t want to leave her behind. I told God that I didn’t want to leave her behind.

That summer, I went to visit a rescue farm that I was thinking of rescuing a horse from, too. I filled out a form and was going to wait for a horse, because I really was going to get a horse in the fall of 2009. I wasn’t actually sure I was going to get a horse from that farm though.

It was late summer when we finally moved to our new house. We had quite a mess trying to get settled, but that’s a different story. I ended up emailing that rescue farm and telling them that I was not going to be ready for a horse, because I had no fencing or barn, let alone pasture grass. Our “pasture” consisted of briars, thorny locusts, and stumps from pine trees that were taken out a year or so before. Not the ideal horse pasture. I was pretty much not getting a horse that fall. I saw several ads for horses that I was interested in, but again, I didn’t have a place to put one, nor did we have the time to put a place up.

I prayed for patience, because I thought that God wanted me to wait a while longer. But I was losing hope of getting a horse at all. I still loved Angel and wanted to have her, but I hadn’t brought up the subject of buying her to anyone for a long time. Except God. I talked to God all the time about life and horses. He knew how much I loved her. He knew how much I wanted her. But I had given up on the idea of getting her.

My riding teacher mentioned a horse to me that her friend had that I was interested in, but that didn’t end up becoming solid.

I saw a few horses that I wanted to buy, but as I already mentioned, we didn’t have time or money for building a place to put a horse.

Then a friend in the area made the decision to sell her horse. I spoke with my parents about buying her, because she sounded like an amazing horse and I really wanted to meet her. It actually sounded like it was going to work out if I liked the horse. My Mom was going to call her to set up a time to come see the horse. I prayed about whether this was the right horse or not. I asked God to help me to know. I asked God to help me to let go of Angel.

God's Angel (Part One)

Part One

Well, I guess I will start this by saying that writing this is something extremely abnormal for me. I don’t really tell people about things that happen in my life; I especially don’t share things when 1) I’m talking to people I don’t know very well, or 2) I’m talking about something that is really bothering me. So this is unusual for me to be doing.

First of all, I will explain why I’m sharing this with you. I want to be short and clear in explaining my purpose. I am not writing this to obtain sympathy from anyone. I am not writing this because I think I’m better than anyone else or that I’ve gone through more than anyone else. Quite the contrary, actually. If there is anyone else out there that has struggled with bitterness or resentment toward God or life in general, I want to be sympathetic. I am not condoning those reactions, but I want you to know that you’re not the only one. I have not suffered any more trials than any of you out there. I would imagine that most of you don’t want to share the trials that you have gone through, as I have not wanted to share mine. And I will not condemn you for that, but I believe that writing this is something God wants me to do. I think that He should get the glory for even the things that don’t seem so beautiful to us. Because God can use even the ugly, broken things in life.

To state my purpose simply: I want God to use this situation in my life for His glory. I want Him to use it in other people’s lives. I want Him to have glory in whatever may occur in my life. Give praise to my God, because He is all I am and He is the only reason I am writing this. I don’t deserve any praise, because I have done nothing right. Give praise to my God, for He is worthy.

Secondly, I ask, if God teaches you something through this, that you please tell me. It doesn’t have to be in a comment. You are more than welcome to send me an email or a message if you have any questions about what I said or if you want to talk about it further. I would love the opportunity to pray for you. I don’t want to hear thanks for anything that I have said or done, because this is not because of me. This is because of God. I want to point to Jesus and give my God the glory. But if God shows you something through this, I really would love to hear from you, even if all you have to say is that God is awesome. I want to praise Him with you.

Thirdly, I do not want to condone any of my reactions to this situation in my life. I am far from perfect, and I would hope that people would have way more faith than I do. I admit that I do have a lack of faith. But as the father said in Mark 9:24, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!” I am weak, but He is strong. As I am not perfect, I hope that you do not take this at face value and just accept every word I say. Test it, pray about it, study God’s word and meditate on it so that you can know what God thinks about this. Because I am going to make mistakes in this. I have no doubt that I already have. So, please, prayerfully consider what I have to say.

Fourthly, it may sound like I am angry at people in this story or holding grudges toward them. I just want to say that I don’t. I love them all, and even though I don’t necessarily agree with them, I have forgiven them. So please, don’t anyone assume that I am holding grudges against you, if you’re in this story. The reason you are in this story is because God used you in my life.

Most of you haven’t heard this story. Some of you have already heard the facts. But there is much more than just the facts. This is a story about hope and disappointment. This is a story about something that God used in my life to draw me close to Him. There have been many things in the recent years that God has used to draw me to Him. But this particular situation was different. It really tested my faith. It still is testing my faith every day as I question whether God really is there. I question whether He really loves me. I ask what He is trying to teach me. I wonder if He really understands. My biggest question still stands at this moment.

“Why, Lord?”

I would say that 99% of you know that I love horses. I would think that that is pretty obvious. I have always loved horses for as long as I can remember. I wasn’t addicted until a few years ago; I decided that I pretty much HAD to have riding lessons. I think I was almost thirteen at the time. I begged my Mom to let me start riding lessons. It turned out that my piano teacher’s sister was taking riding lessons with someone who gave riding lessons as a ministry for God and charged a very inexpensive price. Well, after at least few months of my pleas, my Mom finally let me start riding lessons when I turned thirteen. I fell in love with horses that day.

Over the next year or so, I learned everything I could about horses. I was determined that I was going to get one as soon as my friend and I could afford it. I look back and laugh now, in a way. We didn’t have room for a horse on our property and I would never have been able to board. But I watched websites and bulletins for horses for sale. In my thirteen-year-old mind, I so was going to get a horse. I actually tried to talk my parents into leasing my favorite horse at my riding teacher’s farm. Obviously, that didn’t go over very well.

Well, during my 14^th year, my parents decided that we were going to move to a place where we could have some land. At first, I was sooo excited because I thought that I was going to have a horse by the next spring. We did manage to sell our house, but we didn’t have a house to live in yet (we bought land to build a house). That next spring we were living in a rental house, just down the road from our old house because my Dad didn’t have a job where we wanted to move. My friends had stopped talking to me since we had said we were moving. We had changed churches. There was a lot of stress in the house. I was beginning to lose my hope that I would get a horse until the next spring. I wrestled with deep depression during my 15^th year that I hope I will never have to fight again. Hard doesn’t even begin to describe it. I lost hope for a future. God was the One who pulled me through. I would never have survived it if He hadn’t come in.

I have grown up in a Christian family, and I came to a knowledge of Jesus Christ as my Savior at the age of five. Actually, it was the day before I turned five when we were on our way to Virginia. I always loved God and I wanted to serve Him with all my heart. But I had never known God on a personal level, where I actually knew that He cared and didn’t just read that He loves me. I found Jesus during my 15^th year. I found Him on the real level that I had never known Him before. We were visiting churches, because we had no home church; and so I had to find God on my own, because we were in a different church every Sunday for a while. I had to search for Him and seek Him, because He wasn’t just handed to me anymore. I drew close to God. I learned about His love and His care. I learned that He was who He said He was and is who He says He is. I learned about His comfort and about His protection. I learned about His constant presence and encouragement. More than anything, I learned that God wanted me to wait for horses.

There was a six-month period of waiting time between Christmas of my 14^th year and my 15^th birthday that next year. I had no contact with horses whatsoever. I craved horses. I did not have any clue why God didn’t want me to be around horses. I wanted so badly to be around horses. But for a couple of months, I didn’t tell anyone. I was scared that Mom would say “no” if I asked her if I could see horses again. I brought it up once or twice, but no one ever did anything about it. I emailed my riding teacher just after Christmas to ask how she was doing. I still remember the email about a grey Arabian horse named “Angel” who was being boarded at her house. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t go meet her, because I loved Arabs. I didn’t understand why God brought her along after I left my riding lessons.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I asked my Mom if I could go riding for my 15^th birthday. She said “yes.” I was elated. To put it mildly. Those six months of waiting were so hard. Although it was a one-time riding lesson, I was still excited. The day that I went, I asked my riding teacher if I could ride my favorite horse, Rocky, bareback and take him over a jump. I had such an amazing lesson! It felt sooo good to be around horses again. I also made time to go meet Angel, the grey Arabian that my riding teacher had told me about. Ohhh, she was gorgeous! Honestly, that was about as far as my thoughts went about her at the time, because I loved Rocky.

My riding teacher has horses for a ministry, and she asks groups of people to come and ride. In the summer of 2008, I was able to share the gospel with an eight-year-old girl from New York as I lead Sassy around the ring. I hope that she never forgot that conversation.

In the fall of 2008, I talked my Mom into letting me go riding again. My riding teacher told me that I really should ride Angel, because she thought that I would love her. I really wanted to, but my riding teacher wanted to watch me, just to make sure it would be safe, and she had to teach a lesson while I rode. So I ended up riding Rocky that day.

My riding teacher asked me to come and help again with another group in 2008. I had so much fun that day in November. I helped with the horses and I even had a chance to ride Rocky on the trail. He was being such a sweetheart that day (which is very odd for Rocky). It was a perfect day for riding, too. The leaves were changing colors and the horses were feeling really good. When the group that came that day left, a couple of girls and I stayed afterwards to ride. They rode their horses that they boarded there, and my riding teacher encouraged me to ride Angel that day. I prepared to ride her, and since she had not been ridden in months, we made her run around the ring so that she would be a bit calmer when I rode. Angel is a very affectionate horse and she hadn’t had any attention for months, so when I groomed her she was all over me. I am not kidding. She absolutely loved the grooming. I rode Angel for probably an hour or so that day, and it was one of the best rides I have ever had. She had a choppy stride as she had not been ridden for a while and was out of practice, but she was so full of energy and I had a blast riding her. When I finished up, one of the girls there asked me to leave Angel in the smaller ring so that she could work with her. So I left her in the small ring that day. She hesitated about leaving the gate when I left her in the ring. She was so happy to have the attention. I think she liked me.

After that day, I rode Angel almost every time I went riding. I still loved Rocky, but my riding teacher had leased him out to someone and so he was being ridden almost every day. I was the only one who ever really rode Angel. Her owner boarded her there because it was closer to where she lived at the time and she “could see her more often.” Her owner was busy with being a lawyer and having two young children. Because Angel is such an energetic horse, most of my riding teacher’s students couldn’t ride her.

God's still working

Habakkuk 1:1-5
¹ The burden which the prophet Habakkuk saw.

² O LORD, how long shall I cry,
And You will not hear?
Even cry out to You, “Violence!”
And You will not save.
³ Why do You show me iniquity,
And cause me to see trouble?
For plundering and violence are before me;
There is strife, and contention arises.
⁴ Therefore the law is powerless,
And justice never goes forth.
For the wicked surround the righteous;
Therefore perverse judgment proceeds.

⁵ “ Look among the nations and watch—
Be utterly astounded!
For I will work a work in your days
Which you would not believe, though it were told you..."

More Joys of Country Life

Being thankful

No, it's not thanksgiving yet, but that's the point. God has shown me recently that I have not been very thankful at all for what I have. I have been concentrating on what I don't have. So I am going to try to think of the good things. Every day for the next two weeks, I am going to post ten different things I am thankful for. I am going to thank God for them and get a more grateful attitude. Who knows, maybe I'll keep posting more things after two weeks...I might get addicted. =)

For those of you who care, at ten different things a day, that's 140 things to be thankful for in just two weeks.

I challenge anyone who reads this to do the same. It's not an order, but if you think you would have fun and find new things to be thankful for, I say go for it. Maybe God will use my lists to help others, too.

Here are some verses to go with this (all are KJV).

1 Chronicles 16:8

Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people.

Psalm 92:1-2

IT IS A GOOD THING TO GIVE THANKS UNTO THE LORD, AND TO SING PRAISES UNTO THY NAME, O MOST HIGH:

²To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night,

1 Chronicles 16:3

O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

Psalm 30:4

Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.

Psalm 105:1

give thanks unto the LORD; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.

Okay, there are a TON more, but those are a few of them.


So here's list number one.


Thank you Lord for:


1. My Savior who died on the Cross to pay for my sin willingly because He loved me.
2. Freedom to read my Bible and worship in church in America.
3. A God who is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. (*Psalm 103:8)
4. A God who loves me when I'm obeying Him and when I'm not.
5. A God who always willingly forgives.
6. My Dad and all that he does.
7. My Mom and how much she does, in spite of no one noticing.
8. My brothers and sisters.
9. A roof over my head.
10. Clothes to wear.

Update.

Here we are in our new house finally. I'm a little (okay, a LOT) frustrated that we don't have closet shelves yet. So my room has lots of boxes still. Well, this is here. We are getting ready to start school and that's going interesting. I'm going to my riding teacher's place to visit in about a week, I think. I can't wait to do that, because I miss everyone so much! My brother-in-law and sister and neice came to visit over the weekend and then my brother-in-law went back to work this week. He left my sister and niece here.

Today, I took my niece on a walk in the woods with our dogs. On the way out, it started to look dark the direction facing the house. Rain was on the way. We saw a black snake in the grass that still hasn't been mowed and made our way up to get the dogs a drink and put them in the garage (their temporary sleeping area) to eat. Then we went up on the covered front porch and watched our first storm roll in. It was a lot of fun and we saw part of a rainbow before the storm. After it rained, the sun came out the rest of the way and we saw the full rainbow! I decided not to pull out my camera, but it was spectacular. So pretty. Every time I see the rainbow, I remember why it's there. It is absolutely amazing to think that I am looking at what God is looking at( Genesis 9:16). It's so cool and it reminds me that God never breaks His promises. It makes me smile. =)

We have a lot of work to do still. We need to mow and get fencing up. Actually, for my horse, the brush needs to be tilled up and re-seeded. I don't know if I'll be getting a horse this fall or not, but we'll have to see.

Ehh...

Well, believe it or not, I AM still here. I just have no idea what to post anymore. We are moving in about three weeks. People are people (which isn't fair. Why can't they be something else?). Life is life.

I need to go riding again. I have had a couple of dates set up, but they got rained out. It looks like I am not going to be able to ride again for a few months. ='(

I am going to the barn on Friday next week, but not to ride. But I should be content with that.


Actually, I made a visit to a horse farm the other day, just to get a feel for how they run, what they do, etc. They lease horses for free and I signed a free lease form for them. I may be getting a horse from them someday, however, I am not sure. We have to move first and get fencing and a run-in-shed up. I hope to have a horse by Christmastime. But that might be hoping for too much. =\

Other than that, there really isn't much to say. We're packing and getting ready to move. But yeah. So that's all I can think of to say for now. Maybe I'll be coherent enough to write something later.

Give me a break because I haven't been riding in 2 1/2 weeks. I am NOT going to have anything coherent probably for a while. =P

And for my countdown...

146 days, 10 hours, 12 minutes until Christmas eve...

Fears and realizations

Some short notes about yesterday. I had a wonderful time with my baby, Angel. She was perfect, as usual. I had a trail ride on one of the other horses, too. That was good. Then, I went hiking with my brother and his girlfriend. I took a bunch of pictures of them together. Then we went to see our old house in Appomattox. My little brother said that there was a subdivision in there or something, but when we got there, it was NOT a subdivision. In fact, just the opposite, and I'm not sure which idea would have made me most sad. It was probably my favorite house we have ever lived at. The sight we saw when we went was soo depressing. It was totally overgrown with weeds, grass, trees, everything. The house looks like it hasn't been lived in for at least a few months. There was a security lock on the door, too. We didn't see any for sale sign anywhere, unless it was buried under the weeds. It was one of the most sad sights I have seen in a long time. It was such a beautiful house when we lived there. The land is so pretty, too. Now it's totally over grown. I'm very sad about it. I miss that place, and it is so sad to see it so run down. *sigh* After that, we tried to find our way on the backroads to Grandma's house, but we hadn't been that way in so long, we couldn't remember how to get there, and somehow we got lost. We drove around for about 45 min. without knowing where we were and made our way back to our house. We never made it to Grandma's house. It's also really sad that we can't remember the way there! ='(


I am having an very interesting life. Some stuff going on that is making me question my motives in things. Sometimes I have to wonder if I am really doing what I am doing the way that God said to or whether I'm doing it for my own benefit. I really am having a hard last few weeks. I don't know what to do to fix it and make it easier other than talk to God. I'm trying so hard to keep going, but I can't figure out how to do it. I want so badly to hold on to God. I am trying so hard. But it's not happening. I'm slipping away. I feel like at any moment, I'm going to fall and break into a million pieces, never to be okay again. My friend told me a week or so ago that I don't have to hold on. I talked to her about how desperately I wanted to hold on. I don't want to slip. She told me that it's okay to let go. It's okay to let go, because God is gonna hold me. I don't have to hold on, because He's holding me. It's been a crazy life already, and I'm not even started on life yet. I hate to think how bad life can get later. I hope it can't get too much harder. I am really struggling with a couple of relationships right now. I am having a little trouble dealing with them because of circumstances and the way that people are or like to do things. I realized that I can't just drop a relationship because I "can't deal with it". I realized that it's going to get hard sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's going to be like that forever. I just need to let God do the work and hold on to Him. I just need to love people where they are and accept them. I just need to love them no matter what. I am feeling so afraid right now. I still can't let go and let God hold me. I am afraid to let go I guess. I want to, but I just am not sure that God is gonna be there if I do let go. In my head I know He says He is, but it just won't sink in. It's another trust thing. I just am not sure that I can trust him. Don't get me wrong, I know He's trustworthy. I know in my head that He is who He says He is and He will be there for me, but I just have so much trouble just trusting. I don't know why, I just do. I want to trust Him, and I know He's trustworthy, I just....*sigh* I don't know. It's just me, I know. There's no one else who thinks like this. Phooey. I know He says to trust Him and I know He's trustworthy, but I just don't know how to do it. It's so hard. I want to let go and let Him hold me. I don't have anything left. I can't keep going. I can't hold on anymore.

My strength is almost gone,
How can I carry on,
When I can't find You?
~Casting Crowns, "Praise You in This Storm"

I just feel like I'm so lost. I am out of strength. It is hard to carry on. Has anyone ever felt like God isn't there? It's so hard to tell the difference between God talking to me and me talking to myself, trying to make myself feel better or something. Has anyone ever had trouble telling the difference? I feel so hopeless. All I have left is to try to remember God is there. All I have left is faith. All I can do is believe that He really is going to hold me and believe that He really does love me and it's not just something I'm making up.




Even though I can't, all I can do is trust Him.

Missing my baby....

Well, I'm back from camp. To be honest, I didn't have the greatest time ever, but I got through it. It has now been a month since I've seen horses. I never thought I could miss just driving by horses quite this much. I miss Angel a lot. I am hoping to go see her later this week, though. I have a nasty cold right now, though. So I would really rather not give this to my riding teacher. Anyways, I really miss her a lot.

Vacation

Well, I have one more week until I am off on vacation. I am going to visit my sister and brother-in-law and help out with my niece for two weeks. Then when I get back I have one day to get laundry done and pack before camp. I am SO excited about camp. Then we're going to be getting ready to move, hopefully.

Wednesday, provided it doesn't rain, I'm taking my little brother out to go riding with me. I'm excited about taking him. I've decided to do something different for my birthday this year. I'm going to get everyone else cards and maybe presents (ha ha ha, where's the money for that?). Anyway, yup. My birthday is gonna be different. Not too much going for it. So I'm looking forward to surprising my little brother with a riding lesson. I get to ride, too. I haven't told him yet, because every time we try to put this together, it rains. So I'm gonna tell him Tuesday night, so he doesn't get disappointed. =)

Anyway, this is life.

Yay

Welll....school is done for the year. That makes me happy. My bedroom is clean. One of my friends is having a good day (And I have a suspicion the other one is, too). It is absolutely gorgeous outside. God is alive and working (which is the best part!) . The dogs are okay. Most everyone I know is relatively healthy. My bathroom is clean....


Ahhh.....



Does anyone else think summer break is good? ;)


And the (second) best part about it all is that I am getting up early tomorrow (On first day of summer break! =P ) and I'm going to spend the whole day at the barn.


If this is what summer break is like...I'm never going back to school. =D

I'm in love with a 120 lb 30in Anatolian Shepherd

Okay. Maybe not those measurements exactly. I'm in love with this dog. I really, really want to help him, but we're not in a good place to do that, and I can't take any more dogs. Not to mention, my Mom would have a cow because of his huge size. He is apparently starving himself because he is so depressed. His owner left him on the side of the road because he didn't get along with her cat, I guess. I really, really, really wish I could bring him home with me. =(

Anticipation

I have to post this picture again, because it makes me happy on a depressive day.



"Anticipation"




If anyone actually reads this blog, please tell me if you think my equine photography is any good!

Psalm 121

¹ I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
⁸ The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

The absolute best feeling in the world...

has got to be when a horse nickers and walks to you without being asked.



If you don't know anything about horses, they don't normally(there are a few exceptions) walk up to you unless you have a treat, and even then, sometimes, you have to go to them. Horses, by nature, would rather spend their time with their equine buddies and just chillin' in a pasture. But under normal circumstances, they would rarely choose to be with a person unless they really love them.


So yesterday, after I had ridden her and then ridden Sapphire(another Arabian), it amazed me when I walked around the barn to take Sapphire back to the pasture, Angel gave a low nicker and came over to the fence to see me again.



When I had been working with her earlier, I had her galloping around a ring without my using a lunge whip or lead rope. She just ran on my voice command. Then she followed me right back to the hitching post almost without the lead rope. I was totally thrown for a loop(haha, another unintentional pun). I never expected her to follow me around. It was the coolest feeling ever!



So, other than that, Colleen got her eye surgery yesterday. I can actually see her eyes, now! I would take a picture, but I'm gonna have to wait a couple of weeks until I go riding again, because I left my camera at my riding teacher's house. I will give a before and after picture soon.

One life goal

To build a snow horse.


It didn't work today. =(