Verses

Habakkuk 2:3-4

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith."


Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills."

God's still working

Habakkuk 1:1-5
¹ The burden which the prophet Habakkuk saw.

² O LORD, how long shall I cry,
And You will not hear?
Even cry out to You, “Violence!”
And You will not save.
³ Why do You show me iniquity,
And cause me to see trouble?
For plundering and violence are before me;
There is strife, and contention arises.
⁴ Therefore the law is powerless,
And justice never goes forth.
For the wicked surround the righteous;
Therefore perverse judgment proceeds.

⁵ “ Look among the nations and watch—
Be utterly astounded!
For I will work a work in your days
Which you would not believe, though it were told you..."

Okay..I actually don't write poetry...

But sometimes I can't actually write anything out other than to put it in free verse and I can't even say if it's still considered poetry. I can't even believe I'm actually posting this. But anyways, here they are.


"Will there ever be another you?"

One day I met you,

But I did not know you.

Another day, I learned you,

And I fell in love.

Hard I fell, I fell for you.

And I prayed for you.

Then I waited and prayed more.

A long, long time I waited for you.

Then I had given up on you.

And then I heard about you again.

And I was elated.

I dreamed and hoped for us.

I fantasized about us.

Then you were gone, gone were you.

At first I wouldn’t believe it.

But I couldn’t hide my sorrow forever.

And now I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.

Will there ever be another you?

~Dedicated to Angel,

January 12, Tuesday, 2010

"Whispers"

I thought it [my heart] was beyond repair.

I didn’t even know if You cared.

You were silent.

I couldn’t feel You.

But then You whispered something I had forgotten.

You whispered that You love me.

You told me that You still care.

You told me that You have a plan.

You said, “I’m still God.”

And I know I can trust You.

I just forgot how much

You still love me.

~January 30, 2010

Answers to prayer

Okay. I want some feedback. Does anyone have an answer to prayer they would be willing to share here? I want to hear all about it. Please leave anything! If it's more than one, tell all of them! =)

Fears and realizations

Some short notes about yesterday. I had a wonderful time with my baby, Angel. She was perfect, as usual. I had a trail ride on one of the other horses, too. That was good. Then, I went hiking with my brother and his girlfriend. I took a bunch of pictures of them together. Then we went to see our old house in Appomattox. My little brother said that there was a subdivision in there or something, but when we got there, it was NOT a subdivision. In fact, just the opposite, and I'm not sure which idea would have made me most sad. It was probably my favorite house we have ever lived at. The sight we saw when we went was soo depressing. It was totally overgrown with weeds, grass, trees, everything. The house looks like it hasn't been lived in for at least a few months. There was a security lock on the door, too. We didn't see any for sale sign anywhere, unless it was buried under the weeds. It was one of the most sad sights I have seen in a long time. It was such a beautiful house when we lived there. The land is so pretty, too. Now it's totally over grown. I'm very sad about it. I miss that place, and it is so sad to see it so run down. *sigh* After that, we tried to find our way on the backroads to Grandma's house, but we hadn't been that way in so long, we couldn't remember how to get there, and somehow we got lost. We drove around for about 45 min. without knowing where we were and made our way back to our house. We never made it to Grandma's house. It's also really sad that we can't remember the way there! ='(


I am having an very interesting life. Some stuff going on that is making me question my motives in things. Sometimes I have to wonder if I am really doing what I am doing the way that God said to or whether I'm doing it for my own benefit. I really am having a hard last few weeks. I don't know what to do to fix it and make it easier other than talk to God. I'm trying so hard to keep going, but I can't figure out how to do it. I want so badly to hold on to God. I am trying so hard. But it's not happening. I'm slipping away. I feel like at any moment, I'm going to fall and break into a million pieces, never to be okay again. My friend told me a week or so ago that I don't have to hold on. I talked to her about how desperately I wanted to hold on. I don't want to slip. She told me that it's okay to let go. It's okay to let go, because God is gonna hold me. I don't have to hold on, because He's holding me. It's been a crazy life already, and I'm not even started on life yet. I hate to think how bad life can get later. I hope it can't get too much harder. I am really struggling with a couple of relationships right now. I am having a little trouble dealing with them because of circumstances and the way that people are or like to do things. I realized that I can't just drop a relationship because I "can't deal with it". I realized that it's going to get hard sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's going to be like that forever. I just need to let God do the work and hold on to Him. I just need to love people where they are and accept them. I just need to love them no matter what. I am feeling so afraid right now. I still can't let go and let God hold me. I am afraid to let go I guess. I want to, but I just am not sure that God is gonna be there if I do let go. In my head I know He says He is, but it just won't sink in. It's another trust thing. I just am not sure that I can trust him. Don't get me wrong, I know He's trustworthy. I know in my head that He is who He says He is and He will be there for me, but I just have so much trouble just trusting. I don't know why, I just do. I want to trust Him, and I know He's trustworthy, I just....*sigh* I don't know. It's just me, I know. There's no one else who thinks like this. Phooey. I know He says to trust Him and I know He's trustworthy, but I just don't know how to do it. It's so hard. I want to let go and let Him hold me. I don't have anything left. I can't keep going. I can't hold on anymore.

My strength is almost gone,
How can I carry on,
When I can't find You?
~Casting Crowns, "Praise You in This Storm"

I just feel like I'm so lost. I am out of strength. It is hard to carry on. Has anyone ever felt like God isn't there? It's so hard to tell the difference between God talking to me and me talking to myself, trying to make myself feel better or something. Has anyone ever had trouble telling the difference? I feel so hopeless. All I have left is to try to remember God is there. All I have left is faith. All I can do is believe that He really is going to hold me and believe that He really does love me and it's not just something I'm making up.




Even though I can't, all I can do is trust Him.

Psalm 121

¹ I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
⁸ The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

Ick.

Well. It's been a busy couple of days. And I think it's going to be worse later this week. Cooking, cleaning, school. I would like to change my blog template, I think. But I'm waay too busy this week. Maybe I'll make time next week. If not, then I will probably change it in a couple of weeks when I finish school. Provided nothing else comes up.

I am planning to go to camp this summer. I am really excited. The Wilds is a wonderful Christian camp. I am especially looking forward to the phenomenal preaching that they have there. They have at least two services a day! I am sooo excited to be going to that, and this time I'm not going to forget my notebook! I hope I'll make some new friends while I'm there. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.

Other than that, we're building a house. Hopefully we'll be breaking ground around April 1st and we should finish sometime around the last week in June, give or take a couple of weeks. Can't wait for that to be done. I'm getting excited. If everything works out, maybe we can build a smallish run-in-shed and maybe I can get a horse this fall!! I guess it's up to God, though.

I am ready for another horse day. Next time I go, I'm planning to ride bareback. =)

Psalm 77/At the foot of the Cross

Psalm 77

1 I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.

2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.

4 Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

5 I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

6 I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

7 Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

8 Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?

9 Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

10 And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High.

11 I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

13 Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God?

14 Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.

15 Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

16 The waters saw thee, O God, the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled.

17 The clouds poured out water: the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad.

18 The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook.

19 Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known.

20 Thou leddest thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.





At the Foot of the Cross-Tammy Trent

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me your love
Through the judgement you received
And you've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart
Now I can

Chorus:
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death you bore for me
And you've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart
Now I can

Chorus:
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

Snowflake blessings

When I woke this morning, there was snow coming down. I was seized by a fit of childhood madness (Big grin, here) and decided to try to catch some snowflakes outside my bathroom window. So I did.

I was thinking as I was attempting to catch the snowflakes. I began looking at the different sizes of snowflakes and I thought of them as blessings from God. Then I began to think of all the things I had been waiting on for God and how He fulfills more when I wait. Well, as I caught those snowflakes, I moved my hand around and reached for the bigger ones, but could only catch the smallest of snowflakes.

Then I thought, I wonder if this is what happens in my life? I try to reach for the big ones instead of waiting for the ones that God will send right to me. And most of the time, I miss out on the big ones. So maybe I need to work on holding my hand still to wait for the "snowflakes" that God sends instead of trying to reach for the ones that weren't meant for me.

At the risk of regretting it in the morning...

I'm going to write about my life again. This is supposed to be a profound post. =P

Today has been horrible, as I mentioned earlier. I can't go riding on Friday...I'm trying to plan a surprise birthday party for my Mom, but nothing is really working...I didn't feel like doing school...I need to make a decision about college sometime...I gotta send out Christmas gifts...I gotta send out Christmas letters...I gotta make cookies...I gotta exercise..I gotta keep secrets...I gotta not be disappointed if I don't get anything for Christmas...I gotta be helpful...I gotta be friendly...I gotta be a good example...I gotta serve others...I gotta finish shopping...I gotta talk to so-and-so...I gotta finish this...I gotta finish that...(you get the picture)...


So I think it's all to much. I think my brain is overloading and rejecting all the things that I need to do. I might mention that I haven't been able to get up early enough to do my Bible time. I've been trying to pray throughout the day as the need comes or before I go to sleep or before I start the day. But I think I'm crazy busy. Not literally. Just in my brain. Between Christmas and friends and horses and dogs and housing and presents and family and sleep and promises and secrets and all the info that's overloading my brain, I've had too much.

I need to slow down and take some time with God. I need to pray. But even through my mind's busyness, I can hear His quiet whispers. He's been reminding me of His unchanging, unfailing love and how life is never hopeless with Him.

On Sunday, the message was absolutely wonderful. It seemed like it was pointed right at me. It seemed like it pointed to all my problems and showed me the answers. The message was from Psalm 107.

Psalm 107
1 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy,
3 And gathered out of the lands,
From the east and from the west,
From the north and from the south.

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way;
They found no city to dwell in.
5 Hungry and thirsty,
Their soul fainted in them.
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.
7 And He led them forth by the right way,
That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.
8 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
9 For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.

10 Those who sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
Bound in affliction and irons—
11 Because they rebelled against the words of God,
And despised the counsel of the Most High,
12 Therefore He brought down their heart with labor;
They fell down, and there was none to help.
13 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
And broke their chains in pieces.
15 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
16 For He has broken the gates of bronze,
And cut the bars of iron in two.

17 Fools, because of their transgression,
And because of their iniquities, were afflicted.
18 Their soul abhorred all manner of food,
And they drew near to the gates of death.
19 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions.
21 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
22 Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
And declare His works with rejoicing.

23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
24 They see the works of the LORD,
And His wonders in the deep.
25 For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
26 They mount up to the heavens,
They go down again to the depths;
Their soul melts because of trouble.
27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
29 He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
30 Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
31 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
32 Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
And praise Him in the company of the elders.

33 He turns rivers into a wilderness,
And the watersprings into dry ground;
34 A fruitful land into barrenness,
For the wickedness of those who dwell in it.
35 He turns a wilderness into pools of water,
And dry land into watersprings.
36 There He makes the hungry dwell,
That they may establish a city for a dwelling place,
37 And sow fields and plant vineyards,
That they may yield a fruitful harvest.
38 He also blesses them, and they multiply greatly;
And He does not let their cattle decrease.

39 When they are diminished and brought low
Through oppression, affliction, and sorrow,
40 He pours contempt on princes,
And causes them to wander in the wilderness where there is no way;
41 Yet He sets the poor on high, far from affliction,
And makes their families like a flock.
42 The righteous see it and rejoice,
And all iniquity stops its mouth.

43 Whoever is wise will observe these things,
And they will understand the lovingkindness of the LORD.




Notice how the phrase "Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses" is repeated several times. I was reminded of how I need to look to the Lord when I need help and not so much to anyone or anything else. I was reminded that God loves me and that He's there, even when I don't make time to spend with Him. The pastor also told several stories about songwriters lives and how they came to God and why they wrote the songs they wrote. This one song in particular really got my attention because the writer wrote this at a time when his wife left him because she couldn't stand being an evangelist's wife any more. It's not the same, but it still hurts a lot when friends just don't talk to you anymore. Or even tell you why. And lately, I've been feeling a little upset that I pray for people who don't even notice my existence. I guess I've just been wondering why I even care when they don't even know I exist. Or they try to pretend I don't and ignore me. But I keep praying for them anyway. Because it's the right thing to do, I guess. Or maybe it's because I honestly do care for these people, even though the don't care about me. So God used this song to remind me that even though no one else may care, Jesus still cares.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
Written by Charles Frederick Weigle

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true;
I would tell you how He changed my life completely,
He did something that no other friend could do.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe;
Jesus placed His strong and loving arms around me,
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance,
More and more I understand His words of love;
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till some day I see His blessed face above.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

You can check out the full story about Charles Weigle(or look further on google or something) here.

But anyway, God just spoke to me through this song and message. It was such a wonderful feeling. And I didn't really want to go to church that morning. But He knew I needed to be there. I can't express how much I needed to hear this. I was so glad that God can still speak through even little things. I haven't really wanted to go to church for the past six months or so because we haven't had a church that was doing me any good. I haven't heard a good message since probably 2007 when I was at The Wilds. So I've just tried to do what's right and go anyway. Not because I really wanted to, but because Mom and Dad were going and they thought it was the right thing to do. But I think can honestly say that for probably the first time in six months, I am at least looking forward a little to this Sunday. I can't really begin to write what God is doing in my heart. I have so many things that I have been struggling with and so many things that I have had so much trouble with.

Wait, trust, and hope are the three main things that I've had trouble really doing. In my heart, I want to. But to be honest, I think fear has something to do with it. Fear that my dreams will never be realized. Fear that God will not provide. Fear that God wants something for my life that I will hate. Fear that I will never have a horse. Oh, I know in my heart that these things are not true. But I just struggle with the whole concept of me wanting what God wants for my life. Maybe that's it. And maybe I'm just incoherent, like my sister said she was. It is midnight, after all. I have an excuse. =D But anyway, I hope someone actually reads this and will maybe comment on it.