Fall is coming soon

Already. Okay, I'm not complaining, I just am not ready to start school yet. And I only have a week of summer vacation left. =( *sigh* I have no idea how school is going to get done with a horse, though. It will be interesting.

Angel is doing great. She has been absolutely wonderful so far. I am hopefully helping her stifle injury as I ride her every other day. She seems to be doing the same, so far, though. We'll have to see. =\

I think we found a church where we live and I really like it. The people are so nice and no one cares what you wear or look like. They care about God they care about whether you know Him or not. It's really refreshing to be in a church like that. =)

Well, fall IS my favorite season, so I guess I can't complain too much. I love the leaves in the fall, and I love the temperatures. I also love the fact that the weather is perfect for making homemade bread. It's too hot in the summer to make bread. Oh, and the temperatures get down just low enough in the mornings and evenings to make hot cider or hot chocolate or something like that. And this fall, I have a horse that I can spend time with...fall is the best season for riding, too. The weather is not too hot and not too cold, and the horses are in really good moods. =)

I can't believe this is my senior year in high school. That's a little freaky. I have college plans, though. I'm just not all that excited about leaving my horse...trying not to think about that right now...
After fall of course, comes Christmas, so here's another countdown. =D

139 days, 7 hours, and 2 minutes until Christmas Eve...

Ah the joys of life...

Well. Moving has been set back another week. Oh, well. We were at the house site today and I love the almost wrap around porches. They make me want to have a swing or chair out there. I thought of summer nights watching my imaginary (hopefully not for long) horse. I thought of cold winter nights with hot cider or hot chocolate and a blanket looking up at the stars. I thought of late night talks with people I love. I thought of dancing. I thought of God. I thought of dreams that I have (having a horse for instance). I thought of hope and Christmases there. I thought of the possibility of babysitting again. I thought of making friends and sharing these times with them. As I looked off the porch at the mountains (over the construction site, of course), I tried to imagine what the property is hopefully going to look like instead of the brush and briars it is right now. I imagined the orchard and the garden, the animals (especially the horse! haha), the front yard, etc.

It's just so fun to dream once in a while. Having friends over and riding horses. Babysitting, cooking with our own fruits and vegetables, gardening, mowing (yes, I actually enjoy mowing when it's a riding mower), swimming (if we ever get a swimming pool), walks in the woods, choosing a Christmas tree from our own property again, having Christmases there, watching huge thunderstorms roll in (it's a family pastime) and seeing the full rainbow afterwards (wide open skies are awesome), watching the snow fall and seeing the place all in white (prayfully Christmas eve?), spending time on the porch reading my Bible and watching meteor showers (if there are any), looking out over the gorgeous autumn colors, okay, you get the picture. It sounds like so much fun. But does anyone ever wonder if it will really happen?


Reading my Bible and praying anywhere out there is so peaceful. I spent my first prayer time in my bedroom (not finished yet) on my knees today. There's also something about the wide open spaces that makes me want to dance. I have no idea why. But when I see all this, I have to wonder how people could think the world was evolved. The beautiful mountains, the open skies. The animals. The horse alone is so beautiful. I have no idea how people can actually think it evolved. Every movement is breathtaking. The soft, expressive eyes are so beautiful. Every curve is so precise. Every muscle put to the exact place. Their ears are curved just perfectly. Their noses are soft and velvety. Their colors are gorgeous. The hooves are hard and resilient. They can start galloping from a standstill. Some can turn on a dime. Dressage horses can make the most complicated thing look so easy and beautiful. Hunters make jumping look like flying without wings (but it sure is easy to imagine them, isn't it?). When a horse spooks, they really can run! When horses canter, it looks like a rocking horse in motion. I don't know if this is true with everyone (probably not), but it just captures my attention and refuses to let go. I don't want to look at anything else or listen to someone who is talking. It's like I'm in a dream or a fairy tale when I watch a horse canter. Okay, probably it's just me. But whatever. Anyway, I just can't see how someone can think that they came about by these random processes. They're just so gorgeous and beautiful. I can't get over them. How could they have evolved?

Anyway, that was an entirely different tangent than what I was going for. It was just really nice to dream today. I hope this all works out for the best someday.

Fears and realizations

Some short notes about yesterday. I had a wonderful time with my baby, Angel. She was perfect, as usual. I had a trail ride on one of the other horses, too. That was good. Then, I went hiking with my brother and his girlfriend. I took a bunch of pictures of them together. Then we went to see our old house in Appomattox. My little brother said that there was a subdivision in there or something, but when we got there, it was NOT a subdivision. In fact, just the opposite, and I'm not sure which idea would have made me most sad. It was probably my favorite house we have ever lived at. The sight we saw when we went was soo depressing. It was totally overgrown with weeds, grass, trees, everything. The house looks like it hasn't been lived in for at least a few months. There was a security lock on the door, too. We didn't see any for sale sign anywhere, unless it was buried under the weeds. It was one of the most sad sights I have seen in a long time. It was such a beautiful house when we lived there. The land is so pretty, too. Now it's totally over grown. I'm very sad about it. I miss that place, and it is so sad to see it so run down. *sigh* After that, we tried to find our way on the backroads to Grandma's house, but we hadn't been that way in so long, we couldn't remember how to get there, and somehow we got lost. We drove around for about 45 min. without knowing where we were and made our way back to our house. We never made it to Grandma's house. It's also really sad that we can't remember the way there! ='(


I am having an very interesting life. Some stuff going on that is making me question my motives in things. Sometimes I have to wonder if I am really doing what I am doing the way that God said to or whether I'm doing it for my own benefit. I really am having a hard last few weeks. I don't know what to do to fix it and make it easier other than talk to God. I'm trying so hard to keep going, but I can't figure out how to do it. I want so badly to hold on to God. I am trying so hard. But it's not happening. I'm slipping away. I feel like at any moment, I'm going to fall and break into a million pieces, never to be okay again. My friend told me a week or so ago that I don't have to hold on. I talked to her about how desperately I wanted to hold on. I don't want to slip. She told me that it's okay to let go. It's okay to let go, because God is gonna hold me. I don't have to hold on, because He's holding me. It's been a crazy life already, and I'm not even started on life yet. I hate to think how bad life can get later. I hope it can't get too much harder. I am really struggling with a couple of relationships right now. I am having a little trouble dealing with them because of circumstances and the way that people are or like to do things. I realized that I can't just drop a relationship because I "can't deal with it". I realized that it's going to get hard sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's going to be like that forever. I just need to let God do the work and hold on to Him. I just need to love people where they are and accept them. I just need to love them no matter what. I am feeling so afraid right now. I still can't let go and let God hold me. I am afraid to let go I guess. I want to, but I just am not sure that God is gonna be there if I do let go. In my head I know He says He is, but it just won't sink in. It's another trust thing. I just am not sure that I can trust him. Don't get me wrong, I know He's trustworthy. I know in my head that He is who He says He is and He will be there for me, but I just have so much trouble just trusting. I don't know why, I just do. I want to trust Him, and I know He's trustworthy, I just....*sigh* I don't know. It's just me, I know. There's no one else who thinks like this. Phooey. I know He says to trust Him and I know He's trustworthy, but I just don't know how to do it. It's so hard. I want to let go and let Him hold me. I don't have anything left. I can't keep going. I can't hold on anymore.

My strength is almost gone,
How can I carry on,
When I can't find You?
~Casting Crowns, "Praise You in This Storm"

I just feel like I'm so lost. I am out of strength. It is hard to carry on. Has anyone ever felt like God isn't there? It's so hard to tell the difference between God talking to me and me talking to myself, trying to make myself feel better or something. Has anyone ever had trouble telling the difference? I feel so hopeless. All I have left is to try to remember God is there. All I have left is faith. All I can do is believe that He really is going to hold me and believe that He really does love me and it's not just something I'm making up.




Even though I can't, all I can do is trust Him.

Ramblings on a grey Monday afternoon

Hmm...well, it's turned grey outside again. For some reason, I'm not too upset by the grey today. It's consistent with my mood, though. It seems nice, today. Earlier, it was nice and sunny. I took my dog on a wonderful walk outside and talked to God...

...I'm ready to go riding this weekend...which my Mom said "yes" to and I am sooo excited. I hope my riding teacher isn't too busy...

...I can't wait for my sis to come home 'cause we're gonna do lots of cooking/baking. She wants to come and try new recipes with me and my Mom. =) ...

...Doctors appointment this week...

...Revelation 21:4 is an awesome verse...

...I might be going ice skating for the first time ever in a couple of weeks...

....That's about all I can think of for now. Considering I didn't have a clue what to post, this is pretty good. =P

Wishing Grandma were here

I have been missing Grandma lately. I miss going to her house and walking in the woods. I miss swimming and eating her cookies. I miss baking bread at her house. I miss listening to just the sound of her voice. I miss the dings of her clocks when we were visiting. I miss her garden and her canning cellar. I miss her swing. I miss Thanksgiving dinners. I miss her coming for Christmas. I miss her teaching me about birds and gardening. I just plain miss her.

I wish she were here. There are so many questions that I have wanted to ask her. So many wonders I've had about her. So many things she could have taught me. I miss the things that she didn't have time to teach me. Like more about gardening and what her younger years were like. More about baking and bread and recipes. More about herself. I think of things I want to ask her all the time. And then I realize that she's not here to ask.


I wish she were still here.

Off to a great start

The title is only half sarcastic.


I'm off running in this new year. Things have already challenged me to get closer to God or to run from Him. I chose to go to Him. It's been wonderful so far.

Only last night I wanted to start the year over because I thought it was terrible.




This morning, I want to keep going.




I wanted to get closer to God this year than ever before. I talked to Him about it and asked Him to help me do that. He has already answered my prayer. Even though life is getting harder, I'm feeling better.




And I'm off to a running start. By God's grace, I hope I can keep running. Because a year is a long time to be running.

This is a great way to start a new year.

Changes

This is what I wanted to change about my life/myself six months ago. Compare to now.

I wanna...

Know God better than I've ever known Him.
Love God more deeply than I've ever loved Him.

Be a servant.
Be more content.
Be encouraging to others.
Be a peacemaker.
Go riding more!!! (Hee-hee)

Fall is coming!

Fall is my favorite time of year. The smells in the autumn time are so nice. I love all the beautiful colors, as well. The reds and yellows are my favorites. I went outside this morning and took some pictures of the start of fall. I smelled that oh-so-familiar scent that I love to smell every fall. The smell of the crisp, cool air. The smell of dying leaves. The smell of horse drifting on the breeze is the best. The temperature is perfect in the fall. I love wearing hoodies or sweatshirts, with horses on them of course, that's a given. The temperature is just perfect for that. And sitting down in the evenings with a cup of coffee or tea or wassail(my personal favorite, except we have it at Christmas) is just awesome with a warm comfy throw. I'm so excited. I can't wait until Christmas, either. I will have to post lots of our Christmas recipes up here. Our wassail is wonderful. So are our egg casserole, coffee cake, Christmas cookies, etc. Especially cream cheese walnut muffins. Those are the best!

My favorite thing to do is in the fall, too. Autumn is the best time of year to ride horses if you ask me. The horses are giddy and excitable. They are so much fun to ride in the the cool weather. And the horse or you don't get hot either(unless you're wearing too much clothing). The horses generally have fun in the cooler, brisk weather. It's also so much fun to watch them gallop blissfully in their pastures. They are truly showing their spirit and love of freedom.

Anyways, on to pictures...

Evidences of Autumn

By the way we have 120 days, 11 hours, and eight mins. until Christmas.

Slow day...

So today was pretty slow. I got up late and had a very slow breakfast and finally a shower. Then we went out to look at modular houses. I loved a couple of the kitchens they had. They were really nice. So anyway, yeah, the first week of school was pretty good. It wasn't horrible. Biology was pretty fun. Math was Math(uughh!). History wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Anyways, that was today.

One year ago, today...

I became an aunt. My niece was born I believe at 8:56pm, last year today. She is a beautiful girl. I can remember waiting all day last year to hear from our parents. When they actually called and told us she was born, I remember feeling tired(from a long day), and yet very happy. Pics of her birthday party below.

Life changes

I wanna...

Get to know God
Be content
Exercise every day
Eat better
Be better daughter
Be a better friend
Be a better person
Be a better sister