God's Angel (Part Nine)

Part Nine

I wasn’t really sure what to think about going to see this horse. I wasn’t going to write her off, just because she didn’t canter, but the wound from trying to lease Angel and Angel moving away was still too fresh. And why did her name have to Angel? I prayed those next two days. A lot. I asked God to help me through this. I also worked it out so that my friend could come with me to look at the horse. That was hugely amazing.

Well, Friday came around, and I went to my riding teacher’s house. I helped out with feeding and with the preschool group that she had come out that day and tried not to think about Angel being gone from the property. It was my first time at my riding teacher’s house when Angel wasn’t there. It was not easy. The field looked so empty without her. After the group of preschoolers had left, we went and picked up some lunch and headed over to see this Standardbred mare. I told my riding teacher that I honestly was not that interested in this horse, but I didn’t want to write her off just because she didn’t canter. When we arrived at the owner’s house, we spoke with her about the horse a little bit. Angel was from a Standardbred Rescue Foundation and they had her for seven years. I looked out the window to see her tossing her head around.

After a few minutes, we went outside to see Angel. She is gorgeous. She is black with a small coronet (white marking just above her ankle) on her right rear foot and she has dapples. I was the first one in the pasture and she walked up to meet me. We spent a few minutes getting to know her and seeing how her manners were on the ground. She was so sweet. After a little while, we tacked her up and I rode her around the pasture for a few minutes to see how she worked out. She even picked up a canter for me! She has such smooth gaits. I really loved riding her. My friend rode her and my riding teacher rode her. She was totally fine for all of them. She had a minor limp, which we were a little concerned about. Overall, she was an amazing horse. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get her or not, but I definitely wanted to see her again.

Well, I went home and told my parents about her and the next morning, we called my riding teacher and Angel’s owner to find out when I could see her again. It was Saturday and my riding teacher and her husband were kind enough to bring Angel to their house so I could ride her on a flat area. I was expecting Angel to be upset, since she was away from her house and in a new place. But she wasn’t. She was very calm. I brought her carrots and apples and groomed her and tacked her up. Then I took her out to the ring to ride. My opinion the day before was only reinforced. My riding teacher told me if I didn’t get her, then she was going to! She really recommended that I get Angel, as long as the vet said that her limp wasn’t going to be a huge problem. I made the decision to get her and we took her back over to her owner’s house to let them know. As we drove back to Angel’s house, my riding teacher asked me if she could give Angel’s owner this story, because she thought knowing what God had brought me through until now would mean a lot to her. I told my riding teacher that I wrote the story to share it; I wasn’t going to keep it a secret anymore.

That day, I tried to make the painful decision to allow myself to hope again. To believe that everything would actually work out so that I could get this Angel.

The owner told me that she wasn’t in a huge hurry to find a home for her, and so she would keep her at her house until I was ready to take her. We didn’t have anything ready. We still had to mow and put up fencing and clean up the pasture where Angel would be. There was so much to be done before she could come home.

On Thursday, May 27^th, the owner’s daughter added me as a friend on facebook. I didn’t think a whole lot of it until she sent me a message that morning. She said that her “Mom handed her a stack of papers and said, "Read this. It's an incredible story." ” And she began to read my story about God and what He had brought me through with “my” Angel. Well, I knew my riding teacher was going to give them my story, but I didn’t realize just how much it would mean to them. The owner’s daughter told me that when she finished reading my story, she hugged her Mom with tears in her eyes and said that she didn’t want her Angel to go to anyone but me. Call me sappy or whatever you want, but I cried when I read that. It was so clear that this was God working in my life. I just didn’t understand why a God whom I had had so little faith in would do such an amazing thing in my life. Why would God want to bless me, after I had failed Him again and again and again? Why does He still love me when I mess up so much? Why does He still want to give me an Angel when I wanted to give up on Him? It just astounds me. There is no way to describe how I feel.

I am in absolute awe of God and who He is. I do not understand why He loves me. I do not deserve His love. I have messed up more times than I can count. I have denied Him, perhaps not with words, but certainly with my actions. More than once. I have chased other desires and interests instead of chasing Him. I have been unfaithful. Giving Him the scraps from my table, when He deserves the very best. And yet, He still chases me. He still loves me. He is still faithful. He still forgives me. He even forgets the things I have done against Him (Isaiah 43:25). I cannot even comprehend the compassion and mercy that He shows me every single day. God truly is awesome.

Well, here I am. June 2^nd. I am crazy, but I am sharing this story about her before I am even sure she is mine. We are waiting to hear back from the adoption foundation, because they have to approve this adoption. I received an email this afternoon, asking me if I would be willing to board her somewhere else, other than my property until I learn a lot about owning a horse, because they don’t just adopt out horses to first-time horse owners. I am really hoping that I won’t have to do that. I am praying that I won’t have to do that. I will be writing another part to tell how everything turns out, but in the meantime, I ask that you please pray for me. Pray that I would have the faith that God wants me to have. Pray that I would trust God with whatever happens. Pray that God’s will would be done, and that I will accept it, rejoicing. Even if I lose two Angels.

Day 5

Blessings:

41. Strands of gold in dark purple pillows.


42. The blessing of taste (after all, eating would be quite boring without it!).
43. Christmas tea.
44. Hoodies (Especially my horse one. I should get a picture sometime.).
45. Friends.
46. Riding with the wind in my hair.
47. Nieces and nephews (the ones on the way, too) and the way they can make me smile.
48. Colors of autumn.
49. My digital camera.
50. Mountains.



(Just a quick note. My template is being messed with, obviously. I have no idea how long is will stay like this or how long I'll be messing with it, so bear with me again.)

Remembering...and hoping...

I remember a year ago, almost to the day, I went to my riding teacher's house to help with the horses and lead them around so the "fresh air" kids could come out and have a blast. I am just remembering the little girl who wanted to ride Sassy. She was such an amazing little girl. Here is the post for that day. I was just remembering talking with her. I'm hoping that she remembered that conversation and maybe even remembers me. I hope that I made an influence on her life. I hope more importantly that Jesus made an influence on her. I really hope that she will have that with her the rest of her life. Oh, Lord, please make it so.

She is nine now. I wish she had come back this year, but she didn't. I just really, really hope and pray that God used me in her life so that she could come to Him. I remember talking with her about treating others at her school kindly, because Jesus said to. I remember her asking why Jesus died on the cross. I remember her talking a lot. It makes me want a little girl of my own (haha). But seriously. I fell in love with that little girl (call me sentimental or whatever you want). I don't think I'll ever see her on earth again, but I sure hope I see her in heaven. I wish I remembered her name...

I was posting on blogger earlier...

And I ran across this link on the "Now published" page. I read through it and thought it was really cool. I don't think it would be a waste of your time to read it through.

Amazing "Daze"

Yup. I had an amazing "daze" today. I had so much fun. I helped with the preschoolers at the barn again today and actually several of the horses were lame, so we had to put them in the pasture and some of them we didn't even use. I just spent the afternoon hanging out around my riding teacher and her husband and had fun with that and I helped her shop for a new hat. The best part of the day was between everything when I ran Angel around and rode her. I ran her in the ring and she wasn't too full of it today. She even started trotting with me. That was fun. I put a bridle on her and rode with one of my best friends bareback. She rode her favorite and I rode Angel (who is my favorite). We had a lot of fun just walking and trotting bareback and Angel has such a smooth canter. She was so amazing. Her name fits perfectly. I love her so much. We pretty much just gave them a very loose, relaxing ride. I think they really enjoyed it. It was pretty warm again today, so we didn't want to work them hard. After I finished, I gave Angel a really good grooming. I groomed her mane and tail and everything. She was SOOO pretty when I was done. She was really soft, too. I think she liked it. One of the workers there said that I spoil her rotten. But she deserves it! And if I didn't, no one else would. =(


So this was a totally amazing day. I really hope I get to go again soon!

(P.S. I forgot my camera this time. So I didn't get any pictures)

The before and after shots I promised

I'm sooo happy. She actually had eyes under those third eyelids!

Wow.

Ya know, I complain a lot. About the number of readers (ahem, commenters) on my blog, my schoolwork, my family, my friends, my lack of permit/license, things I have, things I don't...the list goes on.

I am just thinking about how blessed I really am. To have all of the readers I do. To be able to do schoolwork. To have a family. To have even the one or two friends that I do...I just can't seem to get it right. I'm always complaining, but in reality, I'm a lot more blessed that I think I am. There are so many people out there that don't have money for food, don't have families, don't have the "necessities" of life. Many of them don't even have God. How can I miss so much? How can I miss the "little things"? The little "blessings in disguise"?



All I have to say is wow.

I truly am blessed.

Thanks, God for everything. Thanks for sending your Son to die for me. Thanks so much God for blessing me with family, friends, and everything. Thanks for horses. Thanks for letting me ride as much as I do. Thanks for all the "little things". Thanks for who You are. You are so good to me.


(I apologize for the "preachy-ness" of this post)


(Okay, you know what? Forget that last sentence in parentheses. I don't apologize)

The absolute best feeling in the world...

has got to be when a horse nickers and walks to you without being asked.



If you don't know anything about horses, they don't normally(there are a few exceptions) walk up to you unless you have a treat, and even then, sometimes, you have to go to them. Horses, by nature, would rather spend their time with their equine buddies and just chillin' in a pasture. But under normal circumstances, they would rarely choose to be with a person unless they really love them.


So yesterday, after I had ridden her and then ridden Sapphire(another Arabian), it amazed me when I walked around the barn to take Sapphire back to the pasture, Angel gave a low nicker and came over to the fence to see me again.



When I had been working with her earlier, I had her galloping around a ring without my using a lunge whip or lead rope. She just ran on my voice command. Then she followed me right back to the hitching post almost without the lead rope. I was totally thrown for a loop(haha, another unintentional pun). I never expected her to follow me around. It was the coolest feeling ever!



So, other than that, Colleen got her eye surgery yesterday. I can actually see her eyes, now! I would take a picture, but I'm gonna have to wait a couple of weeks until I go riding again, because I left my camera at my riding teacher's house. I will give a before and after picture soon.

Psalm 77/At the foot of the Cross

Psalm 77

1 I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.

2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.

4 Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

5 I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

6 I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

7 Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

8 Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?

9 Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

10 And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High.

11 I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

13 Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God?

14 Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.

15 Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

16 The waters saw thee, O God, the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled.

17 The clouds poured out water: the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad.

18 The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook.

19 Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known.

20 Thou leddest thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.





At the Foot of the Cross-Tammy Trent

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me your love
Through the judgement you received
And you've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart
Now I can

Chorus:
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death you bore for me
And you've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart
Now I can

Chorus:
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

About a day....

Well, today has been different. We went to visit some friends today to see how they were doing and get together. We've known them since before I was born. So we went over there to visit. Well, spur of the moment, we decided to go ice skating.

Okay, well, I've wanted to go ice skating my entire life. I have never had a chance before. Actually, Last Friday we were going to go with our church. I had been looking forward to it for the entire month of January. But we found out that they had changed their times, so that didn't end up working out. So today, when it was suggested, I was very excited.

So we went ice skating.

My brother came and well, these "old friends" are pretty much family. So I had two brothers telling me how to skate, not to mention the "chicken" and "slowpoke" stuff inbetween. =P

While I was skating, since it was my first time, I was having a pretty hard time with my balance. As I watched other people skating so well, and even the couple of old friends skating together. I thought perhaps that's what it's like trusting God and following Him. I couldn't imagine holding on to someone while I was skating. I would have felt even more unstable. So I felt like doing it alone was better. But at the same time, without God, we're all over the ice. Just a thought.

Ecstasy

I'm am soooo beyond happy! I haven't been to the barn in over a month, and I get to spend ALL afternoon there tomorrow!!!! I will have some new pictures to post, hopefully.

Ecstatic is one of my favorite words. =D

P.s. Did I ever mention that I don't get much sleep the night before riding?

Lessons from God...

In the last few months, reading through articles, hearing the news, listening to people....

I have been honestly disgusted.
I have seen, heard, or read so many things that absolutely refute God and anything to do with Him. They abhor Him. I look through these things and I have to wonder where so many of them come up with their ideas. They disclaim everything that I have ever been taught about God. I honestly feel hurt that they would attack God in the ways that they have. I know I can't do anything about it personally, but I am flabbergasted at many of the people that argue against God. And I will resign my case here.

God has always been my strength to fall back upon. He has always been there, and I have felt His presence and seen His answers to my prayers. In the last year, I have felt so far from Him, and yet so close. I have honestly known Him better than I have ever known Him in the past.

In the past few years, I had known Him as God. I had known Him as someone who had died for me and rose again. I had known Him as a miraculous God. I had known Him as someone who said He loved me. I had known Him as someone who watched over me and protected me. I had known Him as someone that people I knew claimed as their Savior.

Even though all these things are true, that was only just skimming the surface of God. Oh, sure, I had had answers to requests I had made. Sure, I had been having a quiet time with Him every morning. Sure, I heard all these people who said all this awesome stuff about Him. But I have recently seen that I didn't really know God. I knew some things about God. But I didn't know God.

In the past year or so, I have gotten to know Him. Not just what people said about Him. My life has had more trials and temptations and fallings and pits than I had previously ever known existed. God has taught me about Himself. Some things that I would never have known were it not for my life this past year. It hasn't exactly been a smooth ride. In the past, I have had more blessings than I could count on a hundred people's hands. I had been blessed with so much more. I still have many of those blessings. But some I haven't had. Some I haven't been able to have. God hasn't seen fit to give me those just yet. And yet, through the valley, He has drawn me to Himself. He has shown me great and mighty things. He has taught me about His faithfulness. His unfailing love. His strength. His mercy. His grace.


I'm waiting on Him for things in my life right now. It has not been easy. It's been probably the hardest thing I've had to do in my entire life. Wait. It's a hard word to learn. And He asks that we wait patiently for Him. Don't tell me it's easy. It's not. I have had so many dreams, that with each passing day, seem farther off in the distance. Some of them may have even been shattered. Each day that goes by, I see more of reality and how unreal my dreams really are. I see how next-to-impossible my dreams are. Some people tell me to just "wait on God". "Our timing is not His timing" they say. "Keep waiting. It'll happen". But how can I know? All I can do is hope and pray and wait.


I have struggled with keeping hope for better things, too. Keeping hope that will not fail. I have lost hope. Hope is very hard to keep when there nothing to keep it going. Nothing. Except God. He is all that there is. But He has been there. He has not shown His timing yet, but He has been there. He is hope.


I guess I'm just posting my personal experience in the last year. I have honestly felt like I know Him and not just some "Father figure" everyone talks about. I'll admit, the more I learn, the more I see there is to learn. So don't think I have God figured out. I don't. But I love Him more every day. I have never known God with such a depth as I have this year. I am enjoying it. It has been rough. But the more I learn about God, the more I feel that He will pull me through.


This post didn't really come out the way I wanted it to, but I tried.

I can't believe it's over.

I thought that maybe I would have a horse last spring.

A whole year has passed since I thought that.

Now I don't even know if I'll ever get a horse.




Wow.

This has been a really different year.


I can't believe Christmas is over. I can't believe this year is almost over.

Wow.

At the risk of regretting it in the morning...

I'm going to write about my life again. This is supposed to be a profound post. =P

Today has been horrible, as I mentioned earlier. I can't go riding on Friday...I'm trying to plan a surprise birthday party for my Mom, but nothing is really working...I didn't feel like doing school...I need to make a decision about college sometime...I gotta send out Christmas gifts...I gotta send out Christmas letters...I gotta make cookies...I gotta exercise..I gotta keep secrets...I gotta not be disappointed if I don't get anything for Christmas...I gotta be helpful...I gotta be friendly...I gotta be a good example...I gotta serve others...I gotta finish shopping...I gotta talk to so-and-so...I gotta finish this...I gotta finish that...(you get the picture)...


So I think it's all to much. I think my brain is overloading and rejecting all the things that I need to do. I might mention that I haven't been able to get up early enough to do my Bible time. I've been trying to pray throughout the day as the need comes or before I go to sleep or before I start the day. But I think I'm crazy busy. Not literally. Just in my brain. Between Christmas and friends and horses and dogs and housing and presents and family and sleep and promises and secrets and all the info that's overloading my brain, I've had too much.

I need to slow down and take some time with God. I need to pray. But even through my mind's busyness, I can hear His quiet whispers. He's been reminding me of His unchanging, unfailing love and how life is never hopeless with Him.

On Sunday, the message was absolutely wonderful. It seemed like it was pointed right at me. It seemed like it pointed to all my problems and showed me the answers. The message was from Psalm 107.

Psalm 107
1 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy,
3 And gathered out of the lands,
From the east and from the west,
From the north and from the south.

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way;
They found no city to dwell in.
5 Hungry and thirsty,
Their soul fainted in them.
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.
7 And He led them forth by the right way,
That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.
8 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
9 For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.

10 Those who sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
Bound in affliction and irons—
11 Because they rebelled against the words of God,
And despised the counsel of the Most High,
12 Therefore He brought down their heart with labor;
They fell down, and there was none to help.
13 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
And broke their chains in pieces.
15 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
16 For He has broken the gates of bronze,
And cut the bars of iron in two.

17 Fools, because of their transgression,
And because of their iniquities, were afflicted.
18 Their soul abhorred all manner of food,
And they drew near to the gates of death.
19 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions.
21 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
22 Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
And declare His works with rejoicing.

23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
24 They see the works of the LORD,
And His wonders in the deep.
25 For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
26 They mount up to the heavens,
They go down again to the depths;
Their soul melts because of trouble.
27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
29 He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
30 Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
31 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
32 Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
And praise Him in the company of the elders.

33 He turns rivers into a wilderness,
And the watersprings into dry ground;
34 A fruitful land into barrenness,
For the wickedness of those who dwell in it.
35 He turns a wilderness into pools of water,
And dry land into watersprings.
36 There He makes the hungry dwell,
That they may establish a city for a dwelling place,
37 And sow fields and plant vineyards,
That they may yield a fruitful harvest.
38 He also blesses them, and they multiply greatly;
And He does not let their cattle decrease.

39 When they are diminished and brought low
Through oppression, affliction, and sorrow,
40 He pours contempt on princes,
And causes them to wander in the wilderness where there is no way;
41 Yet He sets the poor on high, far from affliction,
And makes their families like a flock.
42 The righteous see it and rejoice,
And all iniquity stops its mouth.

43 Whoever is wise will observe these things,
And they will understand the lovingkindness of the LORD.




Notice how the phrase "Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses" is repeated several times. I was reminded of how I need to look to the Lord when I need help and not so much to anyone or anything else. I was reminded that God loves me and that He's there, even when I don't make time to spend with Him. The pastor also told several stories about songwriters lives and how they came to God and why they wrote the songs they wrote. This one song in particular really got my attention because the writer wrote this at a time when his wife left him because she couldn't stand being an evangelist's wife any more. It's not the same, but it still hurts a lot when friends just don't talk to you anymore. Or even tell you why. And lately, I've been feeling a little upset that I pray for people who don't even notice my existence. I guess I've just been wondering why I even care when they don't even know I exist. Or they try to pretend I don't and ignore me. But I keep praying for them anyway. Because it's the right thing to do, I guess. Or maybe it's because I honestly do care for these people, even though the don't care about me. So God used this song to remind me that even though no one else may care, Jesus still cares.

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
Written by Charles Frederick Weigle

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

I would love to tell you what I think of Jesus
Since I found in Him a friend so strong and true;
I would tell you how He changed my life completely,
He did something that no other friend could do.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

All my life was full of sin when Jesus found me;
All my heart was full of misery and woe;
Jesus placed His strong and loving arms around me,
And He led me in the way I ought to go.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

Ev'ry day He comes to me with new assurance,
More and more I understand His words of love;
But I'll never know just why He came to save me,
Till some day I see His blessed face above.

CHORUS
No one ever cared for me like Jesus;
There's no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me.
O how much He cared for me!

You can check out the full story about Charles Weigle(or look further on google or something) here.

But anyway, God just spoke to me through this song and message. It was such a wonderful feeling. And I didn't really want to go to church that morning. But He knew I needed to be there. I can't express how much I needed to hear this. I was so glad that God can still speak through even little things. I haven't really wanted to go to church for the past six months or so because we haven't had a church that was doing me any good. I haven't heard a good message since probably 2007 when I was at The Wilds. So I've just tried to do what's right and go anyway. Not because I really wanted to, but because Mom and Dad were going and they thought it was the right thing to do. But I think can honestly say that for probably the first time in six months, I am at least looking forward a little to this Sunday. I can't really begin to write what God is doing in my heart. I have so many things that I have been struggling with and so many things that I have had so much trouble with.

Wait, trust, and hope are the three main things that I've had trouble really doing. In my heart, I want to. But to be honest, I think fear has something to do with it. Fear that my dreams will never be realized. Fear that God will not provide. Fear that God wants something for my life that I will hate. Fear that I will never have a horse. Oh, I know in my heart that these things are not true. But I just struggle with the whole concept of me wanting what God wants for my life. Maybe that's it. And maybe I'm just incoherent, like my sister said she was. It is midnight, after all. I have an excuse. =D But anyway, I hope someone actually reads this and will maybe comment on it.

OH, MY WORD.

I found these looking for pictures for my desktop background. I'm going to build one of these this year.