In the last few months, reading through articles, hearing the news, listening to people....
I have been honestly disgusted.
I have seen, heard, or read so many things that absolutely refute God and anything to do with Him. They abhor Him. I look through these things and I have to wonder where so many of them come up with their ideas. They disclaim everything that I have ever been taught about God. I honestly feel hurt that they would attack God in the ways that they have. I know I can't do anything about it personally, but I am flabbergasted at many of the people that argue against God. And I will resign my case here.
God has always been my strength to fall back upon. He has always been there, and I have felt His presence and seen His answers to my prayers. In the last year, I have felt so far from Him, and yet so close. I have honestly known Him better than I have ever known Him in the past.
In the past few years, I had known Him as God. I had known Him as someone who had died for me and rose again. I had known Him as a miraculous God. I had known Him as someone who said He loved me. I had known Him as someone who watched over me and protected me. I had known Him as someone that people I knew claimed as their Savior.
Even though all these things are true, that was only just skimming the surface of God. Oh, sure, I had had answers to requests I had made. Sure, I had been having a quiet time with Him every morning. Sure, I heard all these people who said all this awesome stuff about Him. But I have recently seen that I didn't really know God. I knew some things
about God. But I didn't know
God. In the past year or so, I have gotten to know
Him. Not just what people said about Him. My life has had more trials and temptations and fallings and pits than I had previously ever known existed. God has taught me about Himself. Some things that I would never have known were it not for my life this past year. It hasn't exactly been a smooth ride. In the past, I have had more blessings than I could count on a hundred people's hands. I had been blessed with so much more. I still have many of those blessings. But some I haven't had. Some I haven't been able to have. God hasn't seen fit to give me those just yet. And yet, through the valley, He has drawn me to Himself. He has shown me great and mighty things. He has taught me about His faithfulness. His
unfailing love. His strength. His mercy. His grace.
I'm waiting on Him for things in my life right now. It has
not been easy. It's been probably the hardest thing I've had to do in my entire life. Wait. It's a hard word to learn. And He asks that we wait
patiently for Him. Don't tell me it's easy. It's not. I have had so many dreams, that with each passing day, seem farther off in the distance. Some of them may have even been shattered. Each day that goes by, I see more of reality and how unreal my dreams really are. I see how next-to-impossible my dreams are. Some people tell me to just "wait on God". "Our timing is not His timing" they say. "Keep waiting. It'll happen". But how can I know? All I can do is hope and pray and wait.
I have struggled with keeping hope for better things, too. Keeping hope that will not fail. I have lost hope.
Hope is very hard to keep when there nothing to keep it going.
Nothing. Except God. He is all that there is. But He has been there. He has not shown His timing yet, but He has been there.
He is hope.
I guess I'm just posting my personal experience in the last year. I have honestly felt like I know
Him and not just some "Father figure" everyone talks about. I'll admit, the more I learn, the more I see there is to learn. So don't think I have God figured out. I don't. But I love Him more every day. I have never known God with such a depth as I have this year. I am enjoying it. It has been rough. But the more I learn about God, the more I feel that He will pull me through.
This post didn't really come out the way I wanted it to, but I tried.
