Well, today I have not been doing that great. I have been thinking of Christmas and everything that isn't going to happen. Everything is going messed up. There is no money.
I don't want anything.
Everyone was right.
My horse under the Christmas tree was a child's dream. It was very silly. Someday I will learn not to hope for silly things.
It's not that I want anything for Christmas. It's that I don't have money to give anyone anything. I don't have money to get any of my friends gifts. I don't even have money for my family's presents. I have no idea if we'll have money for cookies. I have heard that we may not even be doing stockings this year. Half of the family isn't going to be here. Why does growing up have to happen? Why can't things just stay the same? Why can't life be easier?
I hate growing up.
Christmas is never going to be the same again. ='(
I don't want anything.
Everyone was right.
My horse under the Christmas tree was a child's dream. It was very silly. Someday I will learn not to hope for silly things.
It's not that I want anything for Christmas. It's that I don't have money to give anyone anything. I don't have money to get any of my friends gifts. I don't even have money for my family's presents. I have no idea if we'll have money for cookies. I have heard that we may not even be doing stockings this year. Half of the family isn't going to be here. Why does growing up have to happen? Why can't things just stay the same? Why can't life be easier?
I hate growing up.
Christmas is never going to be the same again. ='(
4 comments:
((((((((((((((())))))))))))))
You're right. Christmas will never be the same again. But you have no guarantee that it will be worse. It could get better. Change is not so hard when we do not fear it. Just breathe, dear friend. I know the feeling of having everything upside down, nothing the way it's suppose to be, dreams dashed, precious tradition discarded, and no hope of better things.
But there IS hope. That's what Christmas is about. Not hope that everything will be how you planned, but that everything that will be is GOOD. There's a reason you are being made to endure this. Hold on to that hope. <3 And find the freedom to have joy in what you can.
And a horse is not always just a child's dream. ...But under the tree, maybe. :)
Luv ya so much. (((((((())))))))
Dear Kris,
You sound so sad!
About your horse dream, I believe it is coming -- you just hoped for everything too fast.
About your not having any money to use to give Christmas gifts, that is disheartening! Pray that the Lord helps you find a job (cleaning houses, cleaning barns, babysitting) or that you come up with something creative like Kelly always used to do.
About the "we're not going to have a Christmas this year", that has been your mother's mantra since you guys lived in Illinois. Every year it's the same thing. We can't afford Christmas. We're not going to have Christmas. We won't be buying anything THIS year, etc, etc!!! Trust me. I've had to listen to it year after year after year. I believe this is what drove Kelly sometimes to do as much as she did -- I remember one year when, by herself, Kelly found, put up, and decorated 3 Christmas trees. She was determined to celebrate Christmas!
Talk to the Lord about it all. Seek HIS guidance. Words are one thing. Actions are another. But thoughts are the most important. I believe you'll discover something or some way to give gifts to Christ on His birthday, to those you love and to yourself!!
love, Aunt Cindy
:) Look, I thought of something to write! Christmas will be good because Jesus came and died and saved us. :) 'Member? It is His birthday. So whatever happens, it will be good because He is. And He always sends something, even when I was sick and skipping Christmas completely. Hang in there, kid, it will be good yet...
And by the way, in CASE you keep forgetting, I am coming home, and I will MAKE YOU ENJOY CHRISTMAS!!! MWAHAHAHAHA
Also, I'm going to Starbucks today...I'm gonna get Italian roast fresh ground. :) Be jealous.
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