Time for countdown again...hehe

176 days, 13 hours, 14 minutes until Christmas Eve!! =)

God's Angel (Part Ten)

Part Ten

On June 3^rd, I received a second email from the adoption foundation. They wrote with a very upbeat attitude that my vet was wonderful, but said nothing else.

On June 4^th, I went to some friends’ house and told them I was hopefully getting a horse, because I still hadn’t heard for sure. Later that day, I received a phone call from my Mom telling me that the adoption foundation had emailed me again. They apologized for “jumping the gun” and explained that their “rule” was not to adopt out horses to first-time horse owners, but said that “I had actively worked with horses according to my references.” They told me to call them for the applicant screening. It sounded like a “yes.”

On June 7^th, when I was back home I called the adoption foundation. I was pretty nervous (I think a lot of people would be). They asked me some questions and I couldn’t answer quite all of them. I asked the placement coordinator if they still wanted me to board Angel somewhere else. She said that she thought we should board her somewhere else for 3 months while we were finishing the fencing. I had to call the current adopter (owner) to set up a vet appointment for Angel and she asked how everything was going with the adoption foundation. I explained that they wanted me to board her for three months. She offered to call the foundation and call us back when she was finished talking with them. When she called back, she explained that the placement coordinator became confused and thought that I wanted Angel the next day, and thought that if we boarded her somewhere else, then we could finish the fencing and see her at the same time. We exchanged an email or two after that to confirm what we meant. All I have left to do is finish the fencing and run-in-shed and send in pictures for approval, and then Angel can come home.

I set up a vet appointment for the next day to check on the lameness that she had and get her regular shots. I was so nervous about the lameness, because if she had a major health problem that would become worse, then I couldn’t ride her. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. But I prayed and asked God to be with me, and help me to trust Him, because He had brought me this far. Well, the vet arrived and was wonderful. I really loved her. She checked Angel over and gave her the shots and took a coggins test (blood test). She had me lead Angel around on a relatively flat area so she could see her trot and find out what the issue was. Apparently, Angel has a stifle (knee) injury caused by being out of shape. The treatment is a painkiller and exercise to get her back in shape. After that, it should clear up and Angel should be fine.

Angel is coming home. I am counting the days. I would tell you a number, but I am almost afraid to, as the date we chose has already changed more than once. But God’s brought me this far. If He’s gonna change everything now, I know He’ll be with me through it all.

Well, that brings me to the end of this story. Unless God brings anything else unexpected up or asks me to write more. I have shared this story with so many people already, even though it isn’t quite complete. I am praying that God will use this story for His glory. He may use it to bring Christians closer to Him. He may use it to teach people that He really does care. He may use it to show people that waiting is really worth it in the end. Who knows? He may even use it to bring people to Christ. I don’t know how He’ll use it. But I know that He didn’t bring me through this for nothing. He didn’t ask me to write it for nothing. I am going to ask that you pray that God will use my story. I don’t care if you pray that He’ll use it in a small way or not. Just pray that He’ll use it. In fact, ask God what you should pray for specifically about it. And please, share this. I want people to know just how awesome my God is. I want them to know how much He loves each and every one of them. I want them to know that waiting for something and praying about it always brings amazing results. I want them to know that even though I have gone through pain and loss, God gave me joy in the midst of it. And He even brought me a “happy ever after” ending. I won’t promise what He’ll do in your life. But I will tell you this: I know my God cares. I know that He was with me every step of the way. I know that He cried with me when I lost my first Angel. And I know that He is rejoicing with me now.

But Angel is not the most important thing. Oh sure, I am ecstatic about having a horse after so many years of waiting. Believe me, I am! I am counting the days until she comes home. But Angel is not the reason I have written this story. God is. I fully believe that the reason He brought me through this is so that I could be closer to Him and share who He is with others. That is what is most important. My relationship with God is so different than it was two years ago. It is so different than it was in November. I have a depth of love for God that I have never had before. I have a love for others that only comes from Him. I have a peace that I cannot understand. I have a joy that comes from really knowing that God loves me and is always with me through every trial that may come my way. I cannot even describe it. After everything, I am so thrilled that God brought me through this. Oh, don’t take me wrong, it was hard, and still is. But God brought me through it. I learned so much and I wouldn’t trade my relationship with God for ANYTHING. I wouldn’t have wanted it to happen any other way. I am so glad that God brought this situation into my life, and I pray that He will use it for His glory.

Every day, I learn more about His love. The depth of it just astounds me. And to think that He loved me even before I was born, when He knew that I would despise and reject Him. When He knew I would spit in His face and mock Him. God is just so incredible. To Him be all the glory forever.

Psalm 150- ¹Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power. ²Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.

³Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.

⁴Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.

⁵Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.

⁶Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.

God's Angel (Part Nine)

Part Nine

I wasn’t really sure what to think about going to see this horse. I wasn’t going to write her off, just because she didn’t canter, but the wound from trying to lease Angel and Angel moving away was still too fresh. And why did her name have to Angel? I prayed those next two days. A lot. I asked God to help me through this. I also worked it out so that my friend could come with me to look at the horse. That was hugely amazing.

Well, Friday came around, and I went to my riding teacher’s house. I helped out with feeding and with the preschool group that she had come out that day and tried not to think about Angel being gone from the property. It was my first time at my riding teacher’s house when Angel wasn’t there. It was not easy. The field looked so empty without her. After the group of preschoolers had left, we went and picked up some lunch and headed over to see this Standardbred mare. I told my riding teacher that I honestly was not that interested in this horse, but I didn’t want to write her off just because she didn’t canter. When we arrived at the owner’s house, we spoke with her about the horse a little bit. Angel was from a Standardbred Rescue Foundation and they had her for seven years. I looked out the window to see her tossing her head around.

After a few minutes, we went outside to see Angel. She is gorgeous. She is black with a small coronet (white marking just above her ankle) on her right rear foot and she has dapples. I was the first one in the pasture and she walked up to meet me. We spent a few minutes getting to know her and seeing how her manners were on the ground. She was so sweet. After a little while, we tacked her up and I rode her around the pasture for a few minutes to see how she worked out. She even picked up a canter for me! She has such smooth gaits. I really loved riding her. My friend rode her and my riding teacher rode her. She was totally fine for all of them. She had a minor limp, which we were a little concerned about. Overall, she was an amazing horse. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get her or not, but I definitely wanted to see her again.

Well, I went home and told my parents about her and the next morning, we called my riding teacher and Angel’s owner to find out when I could see her again. It was Saturday and my riding teacher and her husband were kind enough to bring Angel to their house so I could ride her on a flat area. I was expecting Angel to be upset, since she was away from her house and in a new place. But she wasn’t. She was very calm. I brought her carrots and apples and groomed her and tacked her up. Then I took her out to the ring to ride. My opinion the day before was only reinforced. My riding teacher told me if I didn’t get her, then she was going to! She really recommended that I get Angel, as long as the vet said that her limp wasn’t going to be a huge problem. I made the decision to get her and we took her back over to her owner’s house to let them know. As we drove back to Angel’s house, my riding teacher asked me if she could give Angel’s owner this story, because she thought knowing what God had brought me through until now would mean a lot to her. I told my riding teacher that I wrote the story to share it; I wasn’t going to keep it a secret anymore.

That day, I tried to make the painful decision to allow myself to hope again. To believe that everything would actually work out so that I could get this Angel.

The owner told me that she wasn’t in a huge hurry to find a home for her, and so she would keep her at her house until I was ready to take her. We didn’t have anything ready. We still had to mow and put up fencing and clean up the pasture where Angel would be. There was so much to be done before she could come home.

On Thursday, May 27^th, the owner’s daughter added me as a friend on facebook. I didn’t think a whole lot of it until she sent me a message that morning. She said that her “Mom handed her a stack of papers and said, "Read this. It's an incredible story." ” And she began to read my story about God and what He had brought me through with “my” Angel. Well, I knew my riding teacher was going to give them my story, but I didn’t realize just how much it would mean to them. The owner’s daughter told me that when she finished reading my story, she hugged her Mom with tears in her eyes and said that she didn’t want her Angel to go to anyone but me. Call me sappy or whatever you want, but I cried when I read that. It was so clear that this was God working in my life. I just didn’t understand why a God whom I had had so little faith in would do such an amazing thing in my life. Why would God want to bless me, after I had failed Him again and again and again? Why does He still love me when I mess up so much? Why does He still want to give me an Angel when I wanted to give up on Him? It just astounds me. There is no way to describe how I feel.

I am in absolute awe of God and who He is. I do not understand why He loves me. I do not deserve His love. I have messed up more times than I can count. I have denied Him, perhaps not with words, but certainly with my actions. More than once. I have chased other desires and interests instead of chasing Him. I have been unfaithful. Giving Him the scraps from my table, when He deserves the very best. And yet, He still chases me. He still loves me. He is still faithful. He still forgives me. He even forgets the things I have done against Him (Isaiah 43:25). I cannot even comprehend the compassion and mercy that He shows me every single day. God truly is awesome.

Well, here I am. June 2^nd. I am crazy, but I am sharing this story about her before I am even sure she is mine. We are waiting to hear back from the adoption foundation, because they have to approve this adoption. I received an email this afternoon, asking me if I would be willing to board her somewhere else, other than my property until I learn a lot about owning a horse, because they don’t just adopt out horses to first-time horse owners. I am really hoping that I won’t have to do that. I am praying that I won’t have to do that. I will be writing another part to tell how everything turns out, but in the meantime, I ask that you please pray for me. Pray that I would have the faith that God wants me to have. Pray that I would trust God with whatever happens. Pray that God’s will would be done, and that I will accept it, rejoicing. Even if I lose two Angels.

God's Angel (Part Eight)

Part Eight

Well, I thought this story was over. I thought it was finished. I had not planned on writing another part. My story was over and I was done sharing. But I forgot something: this is God’s story, not mine. And He’s not done yet.

So, here I am continuing to share what I’ve been going through. Never mind the fact that I never share this kind of stuff, especially when I’m in the middle of it. But as I said: this is God’s story. And I’m not sharing it for sympathy. I’m sharing it because I want everyone to know how incredibly amazing my God is. I want to tell people what He has done for me, and just how wonderful it is to have a God who loves me even when I am unlovable. I want people to see that God is more than just a way to Heaven. He’s more than a religion. He’s more than just Someone to call on when you’re in trouble. He is more than Someone to glue your life back together when it falls apart.

Well, I’ve been trying to trust God with what He’s been doing. But I’ll be the first to tell you: I’ve been failing miserably. I have lost hope. I have lost perspective. I have been discontent and miserable. I have dwelt on all of the negative things. I have been totally void of joy. What kind of Christian is that? Good grief. I’ve failed pretty miserably. I’m such a pathetic excuse for a Christian. But God hasn’t given up on me. He hasn’t left me behind in the dirt. He’s been there every day, every hour, every moment. At times, I didn’t think He was there. I couldn’t “feel” Him. But I tried to believe that He really was there. And looking back, I know He was. It was those times that He was even closer to me than the times that I could “feel” Him.

I know for a fact that if I were God, I would have given up on me. I would have left me in the dirt. But praise God that I’m not God!

After everything had happened with Angel, I had pretty much given up on having a horse. I couldn’t see myself loving another horse. I wasn’t really looking, because I just couldn’t. I lost hope of ever getting my own horse. But I kept living, trying to fight the depression. I did school. I cleaned the house. I helped Mom with her goats. And I tried not to think about horses. When people would talk about me getting a horse, I would listen, but that was about all. I didn’t believe it would ever happen.

I had just found out that Angel was gone. I was never going to see her again. It was bittersweet, because her owner finally could see her more often and it sounded like Angel had a wonderful new place. But I would never see her again.

On May 17^th, my riding teacher sent me a message telling me that she wanted to read the rest of my story, when was it coming? She told me God was so amazing and that she had a story to tell me on Friday, when I was coming over to see her, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to wait that long to tell me. Well, I was thinking “What in the world is so exciting? Should I be concerned?” I chatted with her on facebook for a few minutes and she told me to pray and that I would have to wait until Friday to hear whatever it was she had to tell me. I emailed her the rest of this story so she could read it without having to wait for it and then waited. Those two days were definitely not fun. I was agonizing over what on earth my riding teacher had to tell me.

On my birthday, she called me to tell me “happy birthday” and I guess she just couldn’t wait anymore, so she told me the story. There were two horses that she had heard about that she was willing to take me to see. The first one she told me about was a 12 year-old pinto mare who was for an intermediate rider. I told my riding teacher that I was interested in that one, and I wanted to go see her. The second one was a 19 year-old black Standardbred mare that didn’t canter. She had called the owner of the Standardbred and set it up so that I could go see her on Friday, because she was convinced that this was a God thing. Honestly, I wasn’t horribly interested, because I love cantering and I had never been interested in Standardbreds.

My riding teacher told me that her name is Angel.