Part Eight
Well, I thought this story was over. I thought it was finished. I had not planned on writing another part. My story was over and I was done sharing. But I forgot something: this is God’s story, not mine. And He’s not done yet.
So, here I am continuing to share what I’ve been going through. Never mind the fact that I never share this kind of stuff, especially when I’m in the middle of it. But as I said: this is God’s story. And I’m not sharing it for sympathy. I’m sharing it because I want everyone to know how incredibly amazing my God is. I want to tell people what He has done for me, and just how wonderful it is to have a God who loves me even when I am unlovable. I want people to see that God is more than just a way to Heaven. He’s more than a religion. He’s more than just Someone to call on when you’re in trouble. He is more than Someone to glue your life back together when it falls apart.
Well, I’ve been trying to trust God with what He’s been doing. But I’ll be the first to tell you: I’ve been failing miserably. I have lost hope. I have lost perspective. I have been discontent and miserable. I have dwelt on all of the negative things. I have been totally void of joy. What kind of Christian is that? Good grief. I’ve failed pretty miserably. I’m such a pathetic excuse for a Christian. But God hasn’t given up on me. He hasn’t left me behind in the dirt. He’s been there every day, every hour, every moment. At times, I didn’t think He was there. I couldn’t “feel” Him. But I tried to believe that He really was there. And looking back, I know He was. It was those times that He was even closer to me than the times that I could “feel” Him.
I know for a fact that if I were God, I would have given up on me. I would have left me in the dirt. But praise God that I’m not God!
After everything had happened with Angel, I had pretty much given up on having a horse. I couldn’t see myself loving another horse. I wasn’t really looking, because I just couldn’t. I lost hope of ever getting my own horse. But I kept living, trying to fight the depression. I did school. I cleaned the house. I helped Mom with her goats. And I tried not to think about horses. When people would talk about me getting a horse, I would listen, but that was about all. I didn’t believe it would ever happen.
I had just found out that Angel was gone. I was never going to see her again. It was bittersweet, because her owner finally could see her more often and it sounded like Angel had a wonderful new place. But I would never see her again.
On May 17th, my riding teacher sent me a message telling me that she wanted to read the rest of my story, when was it coming? She told me God was so amazing and that she had a story to tell me on Friday, when I was coming over to see her, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to wait that long to tell me. Well, I was thinking “What in the world is so exciting? Should I be concerned?” I chatted with her on facebook for a few minutes and she told me to pray and that I would have to wait until Friday to hear whatever it was she had to tell me. I emailed her the rest of this story so she could read it without having to wait for it and then waited. Those two days were definitely not fun. I was agonizing over what on earth my riding teacher had to tell me.
On my birthday, she called me to tell me “happy birthday” and I guess she just couldn’t wait anymore, so she told me the story. There were two horses that she had heard about that she was willing to take me to see. The first one she told me about was a 12 year-old pinto mare who was for an intermediate rider. I told my riding teacher that I was interested in that one, and I wanted to go see her. The second one was a 19 year-old black Standardbred mare that didn’t canter. She had called the owner of the Standardbred and set it up so that I could go see her on Friday, because she was convinced that this was a God thing. Honestly, I wasn’t horribly interested, because I love cantering and I had never been interested in Standardbreds.
My riding teacher told me that her name is Angel.
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