Well, I forget exactly how the idea came up, but late that fall, I decided that I really wanted to buy Angel. Her owner never came to see her and I loved her so much. I saw her more than her owner did. She followed me around like a puppy (most horses don’t really do that).
I began to beseech God about her. I prayed about loving her so much. I prayed about wanting to own her. I prayed about her owner. I prayed that God would give Angel to me or have her owner come out more often to see her. I prayed that God would do His will in the situation, and that I would be content. I literally prayed by candlelight.
I asked my parents, and my Mom seemed okay with the idea. My Dad eventually said “no,” because it was just “not practical.” My riding teacher insisted that Angel’s owner would not sell her. She said that Angel’s owner loved Angel too much (In my mind, I don’t understand how you can love something so much and not make time for them, but that’s just me). For some reason I’m not sure of, I decided not to lose hope about Angel. I had prayed about her and I knew God was going to answer my prayer in some way.
Christmas of 2008, I received some really nice new riding boots and a riding helmet. Yeah, those are awesome. I still believed that I was going to get a horse. My riding teacher told me that I wouldn’t be getting stuff for horses if I wasn’t going to get a horse someday.
As the months dragged by, I don’t know how many times I asked my riding teacher to talk to Angel’s owner about selling Angel. I loved Angel so much. We were still living in another rental house at that point, and still didn’t have a place for her. At one point that summer, my riding teacher told me that I really should ride a different horse, because I was “becoming too attached” to Angel, and since her owner would never sell her, I shouldn’t become too attached. Well, I can’t really say that it helped me any, because I loved her just as much as ever, if not more. But Angel’s owner seemed firm that Angel should stay at my riding teacher’s house.
People told me not to be discouraged because God had “the right horse” out there and He would bring it at the right time. And I didn’t have a place to keep a horse at the time. They said that Angel was something that God used to help me know what I wanted in a horse. Okay. Sorry, but they totally didn’t understand. At the time, Angel was the only horse in the world that I wanted.
The summer of 2009, I prayed a lot over her. I told God about how I felt, because no one else understood. I told Him that I loved her and didn’t want another horse. I received a grooming kit for my birthday that year. I argued with myself about using my own grooming kit on Angel, because I wanted to save it for my own horse and knew that Angel was never going to be mine. I finally made the decision that I would just go ahead and use it on her.
We started building our new house late that spring. I was torn about moving. I wanted to have a home, and I hated the rental we lived in. I had nothing left where we were living. But I didn’t want to go because of Angel. I wanted to take her with me. I didn’t want to leave her behind. I told God that I didn’t want to leave her behind.
That summer, I went to visit a rescue farm that I was thinking of rescuing a horse from, too. I filled out a form and was going to wait for a horse, because I really was going to get a horse in the fall of 2009. I wasn’t actually sure I was going to get a horse from that farm though.
It was late summer when we finally moved to our new house. We had quite a mess trying to get settled, but that’s a different story. I ended up emailing that rescue farm and telling them that I was not going to be ready for a horse, because I had no fencing or barn, let alone pasture grass. Our “pasture” consisted of briars, thorny locusts, and stumps from pine trees that were taken out a year or so before. Not the ideal horse pasture. I was pretty much not getting a horse that fall. I saw several ads for horses that I was interested in, but again, I didn’t have a place to put one, nor did we have the time to put a place up.
I prayed for patience, because I thought that God wanted me to wait a while longer. But I was losing hope of getting a horse at all. I still loved Angel and wanted to have her, but I hadn’t brought up the subject of buying her to anyone for a long time. Except God. I talked to God all the time about life and horses. He knew how much I loved her. He knew how much I wanted her. But I had given up on the idea of getting her.
My riding teacher mentioned a horse to me that her friend had that I was interested in, but that didn’t end up becoming solid.
I saw a few horses that I wanted to buy, but as I already mentioned, we didn’t have time or money for building a place to put a horse.
Then a friend in the area made the decision to sell her horse. I spoke with my parents about buying her, because she sounded like an amazing horse and I really wanted to meet her. It actually sounded like it was going to work out if I liked the horse. My Mom was going to call her to set up a time to come see the horse. I prayed about whether this was the right horse or not. I asked God to help me to know. I asked God to help me to let go of Angel.
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